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#733234 - 10/24/11 03:57 AM Am I worthless!!!!!!!!?
Iamworthless Offline

recently joined

Registered: 10/24/11
Posts: 1
Came to US 19 years ago, married for 20 years. Kids are 17.5 and 5. Was not able to get a degree, have a HS Diploma. My husband always wanted to be like Steve Jobs and wanted a wife like Hilary Clinton. Sorry, but I am not even close to Hilary. When I started a job with $6/hr, he wanted me to earn $10. When my salary was $15/hr, he wanted me to earn $18. When I was earning $19, it wasn’t enough for him. I quit my job after the youngest was born…he gets sick often and needed attention. While staying at home I started backyard nursery – more a hobby than a business. Had many happy buyers, so 2 years ago I registered the nursery, and created and opened business website. I love gardening and animals; my husband hates it and of course never supported this business. We live in our house for 11 years. Trying to save money, we did house renovation by ourselves and everything together - wall painting, tile floors, new toilets, new hardwood floors, etc. When I worked many of these projects were paid from my paycheck. I also paid for some house bills. Now he pays for everything, and I pay for day care and some miscel stuff.
My husband is complete pessimist and never supported me in ANYTHING…”the business will be dead soon – there are a lot of business like yours”, or “the plants will be eaten by animals or suffer from disease”. If I ask his opinion about the pair of jeans in a store, his usual reply is “Why do you need them, you already have one at home!? And NO, I am not the one who likes to spend money on clothing. I can buy 4-5 blouses and a pair of jeans per year! And my husband always says something that makes me feel that I am worthless – it is usually relate to my business, or my appearance. I know that I am attractive and man turn heads when I walk by, but according to my husband I have to lose some weight ( I gained 15lbs for 20years and I am now 130lbs at 5’4”)!!! He also gets angry if I get sick with cold or flu (it happens 2-3 times a year) and I want to lie down for 30 minutes. He can’t stand me being doing nothing for 30 min! Why man think that being stay at home mom means being in bed all day doing nothing!!!!!!!!!!! And I always hear from him “I want you…” He never asks me what I want!
I finally decided that I fed up with is complains, and I now want to divorce; I am really tired of this psychological abuse, and consistent negative reinforcement. I want to sell the house and split money. My husband wants to die in this house. He keeps telling me that he always paid off the mortgage from his own paycheck, that he put his health to this house, and if I want a divorce I can take my staff, he will give me SOME money, and I will be free to leave! It is also because my parents came with me to US. They both still work full time and live in neighb. state, so I have where to go and he doesn’t.
Do you think court will think the same way? Do you think I am so worthless? Or please any help!
My business is seasonal and while it is doubled this year, there are still a lot of expenses, and I don’t have money for a lawyer.
Sorry for the topo errors.. just needed to went.

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#733235 - 02/24/12 04:05 PM Re: Am I worthless!!!!!!!!? [Re: Iamworthless]
philliesgranny54 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 09/19/11
Posts: 8
First of all, you are NOT worthless!
Second, he is using you - just because he married you and brought you to the US does NOT mean that he OWNS you!! I have a co-worker in the same situation except that her husband has cheated on her many times and has a child by another woman. Unfortunately, she feels that she'll have nothing if she leaves him.
Third, this happens in many marriages/relationships. Most times it's the man who does the abusing but there are times when it's the woman....just depends on who it is that has the god complex.
My situation is a lot like yours with the exception that I was born here. Other than that, my husband has always put me down for just about everything, called me names and made me feel like everything that went wrong was my fault. The only time his voice got soft or he whispered "sweet nothings" was when he knew that the pissed me off and wanted sex. Our marriage has been going downhill for the better part of the 37 years we've been together and I made the mistake of hanging on for the kids. There's been 2 affairs on his part that I KNOW of, maybe more. I have been totally faithful, even when we were split up 11 years ago. Twice now, I have let him back into my life to try to save our marriage, but now I feel nothing...no love at all.
It seems like you have a successful business and are smart. You should be very happy without the constant stress that he brings you. Good luck.

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