Im new here and hoping to find some answers.
Over 6 months ago I started to see some changes in my wifeīs behavior .I Noticed but didnīt take any action. Then on a Sunday I asked why she didnīt care about me anymore, she told me she didnīt love anymore and wanted a divorce .I knew that there was a problem but this blew me away .I got upset , angry and hurt. Weīve been together for 16 years married for 2.Iīm 37 sheīs 36 no children.
From this point on my life has been hell. She kept on hurting me day after day .I lost a lot of weight since then. One day she suggested marriage counseling. Of course I said no right away, but it didnīt take me long to realize this might be a good thing.
So a few months ago we went and she started venting: In those 16 years together Iīve ignored her on a regular basis. Weīve been living at my parentīs for 10 and things got ugly, but I was too blind to see. In retrospect: She was absolutely right .Another thing she complained about, is my lack of social skills, also true. I donīt have any friends and before all this (thought), didnīt need any.
On our second session we got homework : meet each otherīs needs/surprise one another. I did all I could think off; she hardly made an effort. Still we took a little trip for a weekend, but most of the time she spent on her cell talking to her friends.
Our third session was a private one .I realized what Iīve done and I know especially now how important it is to have friends. However she refused to talk to me, all she could talk about was friends and work. Meanwhile the hurting went on till I couldnīt take it anymore. So one day I asked her: Do you want me to leave, if so Iīm gone by the end of the week. I gave it a few days and got the answer: yes. The next Sunday, I packed my stuff and went to my parentīs.(no other place to go). It was a very emotional day, she left when I was gathering my things. It was too painful for her. On the moment I actually left she cried and kissed me good-bye. Since there was still one session planned, I told her I was gonna be there no matter what.
Fourth session: She showed up which was a good sign I guess. Once again private sessions. The counselor gave my wife a deadline to figure out if she wants to go on with me. It īs been 5 weeks now that weīre living apart and since our next appointment is within a week I would like some advice.
It has been really difficult for me: every day I go to work I pass by our little house (that I built myself). I know I have to give her space, although itīs the last thing I want. Iīve decided to take another road just to avoid her. I still love her and am hoping for a second chance. Iīve never been abusive, I donīt drink, cheat, do drugs. I īve always been working (too much also part of the problem) , but also to give my wife what she needs.
Iīm waiting for her to call me to give an answer. Probably this will be the last day before our (last) session. What can/should I do or say?
I want her back, hopefully itīs not too late. I donīt wanna give up without a fight. You donīt just erase 16 years