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#741729 - 01/26/12 03:51 AM Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously
Elphaba Offline

recently joined

Registered: 01/25/12
Posts: 5
I am in New Jersey.
I do not claim direct physical abuse.
I have been so severely abused over the past 20 years that I can barely function.
I canít work at all. I need a place to live and time to heal before I can hope to support myself.

My lawyer refuses to represent my case with emotional abuse as a significant factor.
He dismisses what I say, ignores me, feigns deafness or, when I can get him to hear me, has a poor memory Ė the next time we talk, he acts as though he didnít hear or understand, and around the fruit loop we go. Sometimes he openly laughs as though Iím overly sensitive.

He miss-represented me and lied to me in my Early Settlement Panel meeting, so that we were all at cross-purposes and the whole thing was wasted. Then he made excuses afterward that he didnít understand.

Both lawyers have dragged out the discovery time way beyond the legal limit. I need certain info from my husbandís roggs, but I canít very well push for it because they havenít received my answers. Iíve asked my lawyer several times, but he drags it on and on.

I canít afford another atty. I have no cash at all, but Iím not eligible for any kind off legal assistance because Iím living with a spouse who has an income.
I have a friend who is a corporate attorney, and belongs to a network. My current atty took this case, at a reduced rate, as a professional courtesy to my friend.

My lawyer also wasted our first mediation meeting, but the details are more complicated.
All he does is make a mess of things and confuse everyone.
We have another meeting coming up. Can I say that I donít want my lawyer there at all?

And the main question remains, does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously?

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#741730 - 01/26/12 01:59 PM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: Elphaba]
Renny Offline

addict

Registered: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
NJ has "extreme cruelty: aas grounds for divorce:

Extreme cruelty includes any physical or mental cruelty which makes it improper or unreasonable to expect that individual to cohabitate with their spouse. N.J.S.A. 2A:34-2(c).

You will even find caselaw on mental cruelty. It is relatively rare, however, because you can get a divorce on no-fault grounds of irreconcilable differences.

Is the issue division of property and/or custody? Why go this route?

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#741731 - 01/26/12 02:25 PM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: Renny]
Elphaba Offline

recently joined

Registered: 01/25/12
Posts: 5
I have been so severely abused over the past 20 years that I can barely function.
I canít work at all. I need a place to live and time to heal before I can hope to support myself.
A simple 50/50 split would put me on the street.
For an extra $12,000 or so, I could pay off the mortgage completely and keep the house.
I can't refinance because I have no income.
I need time, after the bastard moves out, to put myself back together before I can look for a job.

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#741732 - 01/26/12 03:16 PM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: Elphaba]
Renny Offline

addict

Registered: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
My sympathies. $12k however goes awfully fast in legal fees. Your lawyer may have concluded that it is not worth the fight. I hope you find the strength to survive this and get better.

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#741733 - 01/26/12 04:40 PM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: Renny]
Elphaba Offline

recently joined

Registered: 01/25/12
Posts: 5
It's worth the fight because losing the house would mean that I will be homeless.
What we have, even with the current mortgage, as already the cheapest house in the county. I can't afford anything else. There is nothing else.
He has the money, and he caused my disability.

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#741734 - 01/31/12 04:22 PM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: Elphaba]
annieo Offline

veteran

Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1499
You can try to get disability for sever emotional health issues regardless of how it came to be you have the issues however you will need a couple of hospitalizations in a mental hospital (preferably state funded - awful but will be more helpful then a private one) an it is better to have been sent by a doctor and even better if you get yourself committed for the period of 14 days - a civil hearing will get you committed - but this is an extreme route but warranted if you are so severely abused you "need time" to be able to take care of yourself (are you taking care of your basic daily hygiene needs, eating, shopping, cooking, etc)and it will have to last at least 12 months and that is AFTER the waiting period which is around 6-8 months after determination of disability and you will NOT get disability without at least one hospital stay (lengthy) and I am NOT advocating this but your best bet is with a civil commitment. People who receive disability based on mental health issues generally do not care about what happens to them and what they will lose or gain or what have you so a commitment is nothing to them. Do you perhaps have PTSD from something? I only say this because you are talking about a disability. The best advice is to be proactive in getting yourself to the point you can take care of yourself and by seeking help for yourself especially while in the environment where you are being continually emotionally abused will help and counter act the effect.


If you are is such a state you should at the very least seek counseling for yourself and maybe all you need is to be heard and validated and to get some skills to protect your sanity you may be stronger then you think and if you continue with help you will become stronger - you are here so you are seeking help - that shows some strength.

One day at a time you can do a little more for yourself but it would be extremely helpful to have a therapist help you build your strength up and there will be days of two steps forward one step back and it will take time. You can turn this around.

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#741735 - 01/31/12 10:07 PM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: Elphaba]
Annie7676 Offline
old hand

Registered: 06/05/05
Posts: 933
Loc: NY
Who initiated the divorce? Do you have to use that reason for a divorce? Isn't there some other reason you could use?

What are the rules in NJ for a divorce in a LTM? Wouldn't you be entitled to half of the assets, part of spouse's pension, social security, etc?

I know that some women have gotten spousal support in order to obtain job skills.

I understand about the emotional abuse. What were you like before that? I am not minimizing your anguish and the trauma of emotional abuse but you may want to consider counseling to help you get through this.

Not being able to function as you post and "not be able to work" at all, are not good places to be. Can you visualize a better place after the divorce?

If you can't afford counseling what about a minister or someone like that?

Good luck to you.

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#741736 - 02/07/12 12:36 AM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: Elphaba]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
[quote]It's worth the fight because losing the house would mean that I will be homeless.
What we have, even with the current mortgage, as already the cheapest house in the county. I can't afford anything else. There is nothing else.
He has the money, and he caused my disability. [/quote]


What professional has determined that there is a disability, that you are unable to work now (but will be after some R & R) and that your stbx caused it ?

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#741737 - 09/03/12 04:35 AM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: Elphaba]
usedandabused Offline

recently joined

Registered: 09/03/12
Posts: 2
[color:red] [/color] I am so angry reading about how you have been treated. The laws do need to be changed since it seems after suffering all this emotional abuse plus you were then victimized by the system. I hope you found some help... I see your post is dated. I have the same type of situation going on currently. I wonder what's happening now for you?

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#741738 - 09/17/12 05:24 AM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: usedandabused]
yregna Offline
veteran

Registered: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
Typical females both of you, the "system" should pay your and EVERYONE'S WAY. You both should have moved to the USSR way back when, now its too late. Its always someone else's money taking care of you two, eh ?
_________________________
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..." "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"

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#741739 - 10/11/15 10:04 PM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: Elphaba]
karenann Offline

recently joined

Registered: 10/11/15
Posts: 12
I am not sure if I understand everything such as " you are living with someone?" Maybe I mis-read that. Verbal, emotional abuse is incredibly destructive. It demoralizes you, makes you think " maybe ur that?" It will destroy you. Sadly the Courts " like" physical abuse" because it can be measured, however the others have more devastating results. If you feel your attorney behaved inappropriately you need to contact the Bar Association. You do need an attorney. He does need to give you maintenance even if you are living with someone, it changes once you remarry. Every State is different. You can reviews the laws online & educate yourself somewhat, I suspect you have done that. I hope things have gotten better for you. Take care -

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#741740 - 10/13/15 01:04 AM Re: Does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously [Re: karenann]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
Original post was in 2012

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