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#745749 - 03/20/12 02:07 PM Re: Kids and Cell Phone from Ex [Re: NikkiL]
Redlegg Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 10/06/06
Posts: 27903
Why would anyone suggest he fight. People pick their battles, she might be the one picking this. Is it about cell phones, is it about communication. Why should he have to fight at all. Would securing them when he walked in mean he cared about if they were lost. As it stands right now, only one of the parents is trying to impose their will on the other, and it isn't dad. I don't agree with the no cell phone stance. I see it as a tool, to be supervised when used, just like the internet, or any other thing, that can be good, but has it's bad side. It does nto make him a flat earther, or a monster because he chooses not use a certain technology available. He is making a choice. I do not agree with that particular choice, only his right to make it.

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#745750 - 03/20/12 04:36 PM Re: Kids and Cell Phone from Ex [Re: Redlegg]
NikkiL Offline
addict

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 644
My first post was for the OP, just giving a different take on it...the other post was directed at LB and her hard line stance against cell phones.
Personally, I find a 7 year old having a cell phone to be ridiculous. That being said, had my ex bought our son a cell when he was 7, I wouldn't have made a stink about it. I would have picked it up the first time he left it laying ( and a 7 year old most certainly would) and put it up.
I think its easy to get caught up in little things. I am most certainly guilty of it. I think coming to this board, and reading posts from NCP's, made me a better CP, than I would have been. I also think having raised a child dealing with an ex who has done all sorts of things I didnt agree with, and seeing the outcome of what his actions have done to our son, and his relationship with our son vs my relationship with my son...I am very thankful I had this board to put things into perspective. This is just one of those issues, that can snowball into something bigger, and it shouldnt. And cell phones when the kids are older...are a great tool for kids to keep in contact with the other parent. His kids are 7 &amp; 9, he most certainly could and should have complete control of the cell phone, he needs to find a middle ground though, like it or not. This is one of those situations that could make the kids feel stuck in the middle. Mom wants to talk to us on this phone, dad wont let us, now what...? Middle. 7 &amp; 9 year olds are easily controlled without even knowing they are being controlled...I wouldnt say NO to the phone, but I wouldnt just let a 7 and 9 year old do whatever they want with a cell phone without monitoring it.

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#745751 - 03/20/12 05:03 PM Re: Kids and Cell Phone from Ex [Re: NikkiL]
ssmom79 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/27/07
Posts: 7988
I agree but here's the big diff. you got a guy opposed to them and a gal who knew that and did it anyway. So you get to a crossroads. You can compromise or you can stand your ground. I agree with both options. If he isn't OK with it, then they don't need them. Period. Not making a big deal, just sticking to the rules.

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#745752 - 03/20/12 05:15 PM Re: Kids and Cell Phone from Ex [Re: ssmom79]
NikkiL Offline
addict

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 644
I should go reread the posts...I may have missed the part where exwife knew he didnt want them to have cell phones. If she KNEW he didnt want them in his house, that does change it. Still not sure I would make a issue out of it...but that does change it. There is also that line of getting stomped on by the other parent. Divorce...isnt it fun?

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#745753 - 03/20/12 05:33 PM Re: Kids and Cell Phone from Ex [Re: NikkiL]
Tweeby Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
When the BM gave the child a cell phone we viewed it as anything else that a NCP gives to the child that will go to the CP home. If we don't agree with it than it won't be done in our home but if it does come we are NOT responsible for it. We made sure that the BM knew that when the cell phone came to our home. If the child lost it we would not be replacing it.

My YSS would be video systems to our home. Same concept, we had rules on when he could use it. We also were not resonable if it was broken while at our home or at one of his friends homes here.

Some things we did draw the line in the sand and it was pretty much following the law.

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#745754 - 03/26/12 06:34 PM Re: Kids and Cell Phone from Ex [Re: Tweeby]
akrkck Offline

journeyman

Registered: 03/22/12
Posts: 51
I agree with Tweeby. We did not want our kids to have cell phones, but their BM decided to get the oldest (13 at the time) her own cell phone (to make it easier to get a hold of them) even though both kids had other means of contact (my cell, my wife's cell, house phone, internet, etc.). BM knew we were against it, but did it anyway. Oldest daughter's grades started slipping (staying up late talking/texting/internet, bringing phone to school). We took the phone away and would only give it to them at night before bed to call their mom. She got wind of it and threw a fit (her phone, she pays for it, we have no right to touch it, etc...).
Eventually the newness of the phone wore off and my daughter would forget to charge it or lose it somewhere in her room. What eventually did her in was my daughter kept breaking and/or losing the phone. My ex got tired of constantly paying to replace it and finally gave up. Now we're back to my daughters using all the other forms of communication that have always been available to them to talk to their mom and they still talk to her just as often.

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#745755 - 04/08/12 07:04 PM Re: Kids and Cell Phone from Ex [Re: farmdwg]
JCB Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/21/10
Posts: 11
Of course you don't. You can take the phones away from them as soon as they are back with you. In fact, tell your ex that if they come into the house with the phone again, the phones will not be returned. But if you think this will lead to more drama, allow the kids to use the phones only for calling their mom. When the call is done, take way the phone. When the kids are with you, you're in charge, not your ex. Stop worrying about her.

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#745756 - 12/11/13 11:53 PM Re: Kids and Cell Phone from Ex [Re: JCB]
marwood0 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/11/13
Posts: 1
Not returning phones (or clothes, books, or anything else they come over with) is a good way to upset ex and kids and wind up back in court with mandatory parenting classes, etc.

My first ex sent our 9-yr-old over with a phone. It was great! He doesn't have to bug me to use my phone for his nightly call to his mom, and if he isn't with his mom he can still call if he needs me for anything. He sometimes exchanged a quick txt with her if she is at work and can't answer.

So, I got my other 9-yr-old a phone too (different mom). We are about 60/40 parenting time, the 60 is with me. His mom only has a cell and almost never answers it and often doesn't charge it. The kids almost never call me unless she wants them to pass me a message and she complains when they call her, sometimes she doesn't take them to school when she is supposed to and I go to pick them up and no one is there. My 9 year old is probably more responsible than his mom and I wanted him to have the phone for my peace of mind for when she is passed out drunk / MIA / whatever or when I need to reach him for a change of plans / emergency and can't reach her. But 2 days into it and she has told him she hates the phone and doesn't want it in her house. If I have to I'll ask him to leave it outside the door in his shoe. I'm not trying to interrupt her parenting time with it, I am trying to give him a way to contact me if he needs to. I'll try to work out a plan with him (like keeping it put away at her house) that minimizes the potential for her tantrums and possibly destroying the phone.

I guess worse case if we absolutely can't agree on the phone, perhaps I can get him a GMRS or CB radio... just not confident that it will reach the 8 miles between homes with a big hill in the way.


Edited by marwood0 (12/11/13 11:59 PM)

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#745757 - 12/12/13 02:22 PM Re: Kids and Cell Phone from Ex [Re: marwood0]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
You do realize that the original post that you're answering is close to two years old, right?

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#745758 - 10/07/16 05:52 PM Re: Kids and Cell Phone from Ex [Re: farmdwg]
lieslws Offline

recently joined

Registered: 10/07/16
Posts: 1
This is a stupid fight. I too have custody of my kids. My kids (and all kids should) have the right to call their other parent. What difference does it make if it is on a house phone, cell phone, or skype? If you are seriously bent on this, limit the kids use of the cell phone to parents numbers only. Really, pick your battles. This one isn't worth it.

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