Well by now you know a lot more, but if things are still in limbo, I have a few things to add. Men typically will not leave a relationship until they are SURE they have someone waiting for them. It could be he doesn't know what he wants because the OW is not sure what she wants. In that case, you may have some time. I would be kind and civil to him on the home front, but because of his actions in the marriage, if he wants you, he needs to WIN you back. I would go about rebuilding my life right under his nose. As hard as it might be, do things that are healthy for you. Try some things you have always wanted to try but just haven't made time for. Don't take responsibility for him or his actions, and don't make him responsible for yours. Try not to be too affected by what he does or doesn't do. When you are negatively affected, journal about it instead of contending with him. Go to dinner with friends. Take up a hobby, go horse back riding, start a swimming class, find a support group, make a new friend. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness. Take charge of it as best you can within the bounds of marriage. If you have a faith, talk with your clergy. Try to carve out a way of being an emotionally independent, confident woman. And let it be known you will not take his crap ever again, and make him show it in ACTIONS. As a rule of thumb, men use a lot of words with women because they know it can get them somewhere with them. But, when men deal with men, they all sort of know that words don't mean much of anything, and it is actions that matter. So, for that bit, think like a man. Watch and judge him by his actions, not his words. It seems to me the risk is worth taking to try to save your relationship. If it succeeds, it might be stronger than ever before, if it fails, at least you know you left no stone unturned in trying to save the relationship. I feel for you. My ex left me for a younger woman and he divorced me. It is not an easy thing to pass through. But, I am a stronger and better person now than before it happened.