Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online

Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#751011 - 06/21/12 05:00 PM 14 yrs of abuse
casnmatsmom Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/21/12
Posts: 5
I'm stuck with an over-bearing,controlling and abusive man. Everything is in his name, including the bank account. Everything. He is trying to turn the kids against me. They would "throw mama from the train". We dont have a land line phone, just a cell. I'm not allowed to use it. Or his car. Or his money. My name isnt even on the lease to the apt. we live in. I dont work and havent worked in a long time. I'm just an uneducated house wife/stay at home mom. I've got no job skills. I know that with no place to go, no court in their right mind would let me have my kids. He works full-time and doesnt have time for the kids. I am and always have been their primary care giver. I have had 2 OPs on him already. He used to hit me. Now he just abuses me mentally. I get stuck at home with the kids everyday, no car and no phone. He makes sure that I dont get the chance to visit with anyone, except my kids. He wont take me any place. If I do get to go some place, I have to show date and time stamped receipts and people have to be able to verify my where abouts. I dont have any family to speak of. I want to get a divorce but I dont want him to keep the kids. I dont know what to do. Please help!

Top
#751012 - 06/22/12 05:20 PM Re: 14 yrs of abuse [Re: casnmatsmom]
yregna Offline
veteran

Registered: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
You have never in your life worked or earned a living, why do you deserve anything at all ? Why does everyone have to provide for YOU. Have you ever thought about working and EARNING MONEY other than on your back ?

Time to grow UP little prostitute !
_________________________
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..." "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"

Top
#751013 - 06/23/12 02:54 AM Re: 14 yrs of abuse [Re: yregna]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
Well, the forum women hater has already introduced himself.....ignore him.

Casnmatsmom.....You should call a local woman's shelter and ask for advice.

Are there any neighbor's with phones ? When you have the kids or yourself at a doctor's appt, ask to use their phone and ask them for help.

You have to be strong and find a way.

Long term, it doesn't matter who's name is on the bank accounts.....if you get divorced you will get your share of the assets.

If you don't even know what assets there are yet, you may have to go to a shelter for awhile. Start thinking about what kind of jobs you could do. Flipping burgers, intro level retail work, etc doesn't require previous experience. Most nursing homes or hospitals will train you to be a nurses aid/assistant.

Start with trying to make contact with a local agency that can help you. You may be able to do that online.

Good luck !

Top
#751014 - 06/27/12 05:53 PM Re: 14 yrs of abuse [Re: yregna]
casnmatsmom Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/21/12
Posts: 5
Well, aren't you just sunshine and roses! I can plainly see why you are divorced or getting divorced. Who are you to call anyone that you have never met, a prostitute? You sound like a very bitter and lonely guy. Have you ever heard this?:
"judge not, lest ye be judged". and "let he without sin cast the first stone". Learn it, live it.

Top
#751015 - 06/27/12 06:05 PM Re: 14 yrs of abuse [Re: finz]
casnmatsmom Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/21/12
Posts: 5
Thank you for the advice. That guy that responded must really hate women. What a douche bag! The women's shelter here, the only one here, turned me and my kids away, 2 winters ago. I live in a small area and the resources are very limited. I had worked before getting married and for a while after. He was so jealous that it didn't last long. I now have the opportunity to start working again, but fear it will end the same. I thought marriage was supposed to be an equal partnership? I live in IL and with the current budget cuts to state and federal programs, resources are becoming much more limited. The laws about domestic violence here leave a lot to be desired as well.

Top
#751016 - 06/27/12 11:00 PM Re: 14 yrs of abuse [Re: casnmatsmom]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
[quote]Well, aren't you just sunshine and roses! I can plainly see why you are divorced or getting divorced. Who are you to call anyone that you have never met, a prostitute? You sound like a very bitter and lonely guy. Have you ever heard this?:
"judge not, lest ye be judged". and "let he without sin cast the first stone". Learn it, live it. [/quote]


*****************************************

*sigh*

Speaking of judgemental......how's the hypocrisy coming along ?

Top
#751017 - 06/27/12 11:03 PM Re: 14 yrs of abuse [Re: finz]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
Did the shelter turn you away because they were full (2 years ago) or because you were over their income guidlines ?

Top
#751018 - 07/06/12 02:30 PM Re: 14 yrs of abuse [Re: finz]
casnmatsmom Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/21/12
Posts: 5
No. They have the ability to pick and choose who they help and who they don't. There has got to be a way to make him leave and let me stay in the home with the kids. If IL domestic violence laws were better, I could get another TRO/OP. But here, unless he physically does something to me, the police and courts don't help. I went through this before, coming here from another state with an OP. IL wouldn't transfer it or enforce it here. I had to wait until he did something to me to get one from IL. Which is no longer valid. And I'm not judgemental, its obvious he dislikes women. My intentions were not to offend anyone. I really am just here for advise. My situation is not getting any better. I'm sure that I have more than enough grounds for divorce, but I haven't got any money to do so. He has even admitted to having an affair and the kids are fully aware of it. It was like 110 degrees out on the 4th and I had to leave on foot and head for the next town because he wouldn't stop trash talking me to our 11 year old son. When I asked him to stop, he just laughed and got in my face and screamed at me that he wanted so bad to beat me to death. That's what it's like for me everyday. He leaves for work and takes everything with him; the phone, the car and house keys, all the money. If something happened to one of the kids, I'd have to pray like hell that one of the neighbors was home. Both my kids were glasses and their new ones are in at the eye place and he won't even let me take them to go get them. If I make a Dr. appt. for myself, I have to find my own way there and my own way to pay for it. When he does get back from work, I'm still not allowed to use anything. He is already a 4 or 5 time convicted violent crime offender. I'm sorry for venting. I just don't know where to turn anymore. I'm so frustrated.

Top
#751019 - 07/07/12 06:01 AM Re: 14 yrs of abuse [Re: casnmatsmom]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
It just sounds hard to believe that there was no opportunity for you to talk to someone about getting help......during the course of moving to another state there is usually an interaction with realtors, movers, etc

Does he sleep with the car keys ? I'd wait till he falls asleep, grab the keys, get the kids, and head to the police station and ask them for help finding a shelter.

Walk over to the neighbor's house first, tell them you plan to leave at 1 am.....and that if they hear you scream for help, to please call 911.

I don't think you are trying to make a realistic plan. You are just fantasizing that he will leave/be removed from the house......and that he'll keep paying for the upkeep of the house and all the bills. Life doesn't work that way. You may be able to get spousal support and/or child support depending on who the kids end up with, but you might have to fight for awhile to get that. How are the kids going to eat in the mean time ?

No one here can tell you how to get him out and let you keep all of his money.

Top
#751020 - 09/17/12 05:22 AM Re: 14 yrs of abuse [Re: casnmatsmom]
yregna Offline
veteran

Registered: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
Quote " I thought marriage was supposed to be an equal partnership? "

Equal partnership would mean YOU WORK AND EARN MONEY ! In casmom's world, EQUAL means the man pays for her to sit on her butt and not work.

Have you ever earned a single DIME in your life ? Even as a teenager babysitting ? When did you learn that a MAN was going to pay your way FOREVER ??
_________________________
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..." "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >

Moderator:  dsAdmin 


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: