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#753376 - 08/23/12 01:24 PM When, if any, is a good time to tell them why
chrisyouwho Offline
recently joined

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 13
Loc: Illinois
We recently told the kids that we're getting divorced. My kids are 11, 14 and 16. I was the one who filed. Reason for filing was due to how she treated me terribly over the last few years, and then finding out about her affair was the last straw.

Now here's my question: what should I tell the kids? They're obviously asking questions and have asked why and who's idea it was to get the divorce? I don't want them to think poorly of their mom, but at the same time I feel that they should know the truth and that I didn't just give up on the marriage for no reason. Is it better to tell them the truth, or bite my tongue (as I've been doing for the past couple years)?

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#753377 - 08/23/12 02:06 PM Re: When, if any, is a good time to tell them why [Re: chrisyouwho]
gr8Dad Online   content
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
You say NOTHING as to WHY the divorce occured. You merely tell the children that it had NOTHING to do with them, and you and your soon to be ex still love them VERY much.

PERHAPS< when they are 18, as ADULTS, and they come to you and ask WHY< you MIGHT discuss it with them.

Your wounds are still too fresh to talk to them about WHY it happened. Part of it is YOUR fault. And THAT is the biggest hurdle you still need to get past. No relationship fails without input from BOTH sides. She treated you horribly...you ALLOWED her to treat you horribly.

Bottom line, NOW is NOT a good time.
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#753378 - 09/03/12 08:54 PM Re: When, if any, is a good time to tell them why [Re: gr8Dad]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
When to tell them what you are tempted to say ? MAYBE when they are adults, IF they are still asking then. They may figure things out on their own, based on what they've already seen/heard and their observations moving forward.

Now you tell them that "Mom and Dad don't love each other anymore, so we have decided to divorce. We still love you kids very much."

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#753379 - 09/17/12 05:39 AM Re: When, if any, is a good time to tell them why [Re: chrisyouwho]
yregna Offline
veteran

Registered: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
Women always want to keep the reality of divorce quiet from kids. This is because Divorce usually hurts men far more than women. It is important for the kids to know you hate their mom, they will learn it someday anyway, why not now ?

It is SUPREMELY IMPORTANT for the kids to know how the finances of Divorce work, especially if you have male children....You want them to avoid the same trap.

Women of course want all males to fall into the marriage slavery trap. Women can leave a marriage anytime theY want, NO ONE EVER TAKES THEIR CHILDREN AWAY ! Women get money they did not earn in divorce, that is why it is sooo popular.
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