I decided the other day to put all of what I have been holding back from my wife on paper. Im not really planning on sending it to her (Im deployed right not), but I would like some opinions. Any kind of advice is helpful. Oh and for privacy sake, the names of everyone has been changed."
"For a while now our marriage hasnít felt right and I couldnít pinpoint just what was wrong. Recently though I have come to the conclusion that the spark is gone. Idk what is causing this, but there are many things that have changed since we got together. We both used to try so much harder to impress each other, whether it be by dressing up, wearing a new perfume/cologne/, working out to stay fit for the other, doing spontaneous things to add some excitement to the mix, or trying something new like ice skating or dancing even though I cant dance. Somewhere down the line this all stopped. We both stopped doing the things that made this relationship exciting. I have, on a few occasions, tried to do some of these things like wear cologne for you or dress up for you and on a few occasions proposed new things we could do together. None of this has really panned out. I have hoped that maybe you would try something to mix things up a bit as well, but the thought has never seemed to cross your mind. Everything has become a routine. I get home, we eat dinner, maybe walk or rent a movie, then watch tv until its time for us to go to bed and sometimes at that point have sex. Theres nothing exciting about that. Nothing spontaneous or romantic about only being able to have sex a certain time of day a few times a week if you are lucky. I get that we are parents now and our options for activities to do together are very limited, but still there has to be more to do then that.
Also, sometimes it seems like we can disagree on something without fighting. You act like if I disagree with you that you have to get snappy and angry and thatís not the case. The whole feud with my mom is another thing that really bothers me. I get that she is catty and doesnít listen, but that doesnít mean you should keep her on your friends list so every day she can do something new to piss you off. I have asked you several times to remove her and you do initially, but then you add her again and the drama starts all over. Every little thing she says seems to piss you off no matter how small or stupid it is. You also get so jealous of so many people. We cant walk into a store without you looking at some little blond chick without calling her a little skank or something even though you know nothing about her. This bothers me because I try constantly to tell you just how pretty and amazing you are, but yet you still seem to have a super low self esteem. Its like every compliment I give is worthless. I ask you to do something for me, like look into a charge or call someone, or anything I donít have time to do because Im working, you just brush off as not important. You will probably argue that this is not true, but you consistently put it off or forget about it. How important can something I ask you to do be to you if you always forget about it?
Another thing that has bothered me is the fact that even after you cheating on me like 4 times when we started going out I took you back and only asked that you didnít talk to those individuals you cheated on me with. Well like 3 years later and you have had contact with Tyler despite what I asked. I donít let on to everything I know all the time. I have seen numerous times since we got back together that you have talked to him even though I asked you not to. Even after we had been married. As recently as this year I have seen a message to Kyler asking Ďso I guess you donít want to be friends anymore,í or something to that effect. You know how I feel about him and yet you wanted to be his friend? The one thing I asked you never to do. Im not accusing you of cheating, because I obviously know you havenít because you have been in another state the whole time, but that is still very dishonest of you to do. I mean I have turned the other eye to so much, even the convo I saw that you had with DJ after we got back together. You know, the one that you said your ipod dated wrong. The one where you two were talking about doing stuff. Do you think I really believed that the date on the ipod was wrong? No, I didnít. I just wanted to make things work so much. Yes, I have gone through your phone and computer a few times. The only reason it keeps happening is because every time I find something. And yes, I will admit to some trust issues, since you have been talking to your ex, that you cheated on me with, for the majority of our marriage. Even if it wasnít a consistent thing, you should have never spoke to him again after what happened. Even if he did initiate the convos, you should have never replied, let alone had full blown convos with him. And this is kind of a good transition to talking about your trust issues. I have been with you for almost 4 years now and you still ask me if Im going to leave you. You still get jealous of other females in my life. You have gone behind my back and deleted friends from my facebook before. I understand that the Puerto Rican chick was trying to get with me, but I was in boot camp. I couldnít do anything about it, but if you had asked I would have deleted her. You shouldnít have done it for me. That is so controlling its not funny. And I know you say you didnít delete Ashley (a long time friend and nothing more) from my friends list, but given that you have done it before and your jealousy streak, I have a hard time believing that. Not once in our entire marriage have I done a single thing to deserve you not trusting me? The answer is no. I have never once cheated. I married you and now have had 2 kids with you, yet you still donít fully trust me.
Needless to say we have a lot of problems. Idk if you were aware of this, but it is how I feel. I donít like feeling like this, but I cant help it. I donít want to go on with my life always feeling like this. A marriage should be exciting, even if its just sporadically. Communication shouldnít be a concern, but it is for us. Your husband should make you feel good about yourself, but clearly I donít or you wouldnít be jealous of every little blond chick you see. I really think when I get back we should see a marriage counselor. They may be able to help us see why all this has happened and give us both advice on things we can change to bring back that spark."