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#756099 - 11/13/12 05:05 PM cohabitation laws in VA
lhammer1979 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 2
My husband and I are separated- he says that it is illegal in the Commonwealth of Virginia for my new boyfriend to stay overnight in my house when I have our kids for visitation. Can anyone help me with the legality of this? Thanks in advance! I have searched and searched the internet and not found anything relevant on the subject.

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#756100 - 11/13/12 10:00 PM Re: cohabitation laws in VA [Re: lhammer1979]
ssmom79 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/27/07
Posts: 7988
During separation, probably not. But he can certainly request that be included in the divorce proceedings. Not seeing why you'd want your boyfriend to sleep over when you have your kids anyway. A divorce can be difficult on the kids, and when you add a new relationship to the mix its even harder.

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#756101 - 11/14/12 01:24 PM Re: cohabitation laws in VA [Re: ssmom79]
lhammer1979 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 2
My kids are actually very close with my new friend and they don't understand why he has to leave by 11pm every night. In my situation I think him not being able to stay is actually making it harder for my kids ... and his kids who would be staying with us also when he has them for visitation.

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#756102 - 11/14/12 06:40 PM Re: cohabitation laws in VA [Re: lhammer1979]
ssmom79 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/27/07
Posts: 7988
I doubt it's making it harder for your kids.

It's even worse to add his kids to the mix.

Like I said, your ex has the potential to add that clause once you're divorced.

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#756103 - 11/15/12 01:54 AM Re: cohabitation laws in VA [Re: lhammer1979]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
How long have you been seperated? I can understand that a divorce that is taking years makes it frustrating to not be able to move on, but if it has been a short amount of time there is no reason to have over night guests of the opposite sex when your kids are there.

I agree with whoever said that it's doubtful that it's hard on your kids that he can't stay.

I doubt that it's out right illegal as in there would be a fine or jail penalty but it CAN make a huge difference in family court. Especially if you end up with a conservative judge. You could end up being a non custodial parent. There is much more latitude in family court and a judge can use their best discression to make decisions in the best interest of the kids.
_________________________
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

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#756104 - 11/15/12 02:52 AM Re: cohabitation laws in VA [Re: lhammer1979]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
Quote:
My kids are actually very close with my new friend and they don't understand why he has to leave by 11pm every night. In my situation I think him not being able to stay is actually making it harder for my kids ... and his kids who would be staying with us also when he has them for visitation.



***************************************

Adultery is still technically illegal in Virgina.

While your risk of prosecution is likely low, your stbx is technically correct.

Even if you think it's okay to teach your kids that sleeping with someone while you are married to someone else is okay, you should at least feel some obligation to teach them that it's not okay to break the law.

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#756105 - 11/17/12 11:46 PM Re: cohabitation laws in VA [Re: finz]
dadinva Offline

newbie

Registered: 06/06/11
Posts: 47
When I went through the custody process, everyone (GAL, attorney, etc., made it super-clear to me that, although now not such a big deal in some states, in VA, judges really really don't like this. And my ex and I were never even married. To do something like this while separated before divorce is final is even worse. Also, no cohabitation clauses are fairly standard parts of orders in VA.

If I were dad, I would make a big deal over this. I wouldn't want my kids' mother to be with someone before the divorce was final, nor have someone she wasn't married to stay the night. Not everyone has the same standard of morality on that, but I will never fault someone who does.

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#756106 - 11/19/12 04:37 PM Re: cohabitation laws in VA [Re: dadinva]
ssmom79 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/27/07
Posts: 7988
Thanks VA dad, it's always great to get input from someone THERE in the state.

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#756107 - 12/11/12 04:50 PM Re: cohabitation laws in VA [Re: ssmom79]
Anything4Love Offline

journeyman

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 76
Loc: Virginia
My lawyer and I talked about this during my consultation yesterday. He said it is technically illegal even though we were separated, BUT that it carries a lot less weight or significance in court than "adultery" before the separation, and is up to the discretion of the judge. He said some areas of Virginia are more strict on this matter than others, and if you are in one of those best of luck to you. You deserve to be able to get on with your life, and there is no paperwork needed for a "legal" separation in Virginia, just one person to move out constitutes a separation.

PS - PLEAD THE FIFTH if you are asked about the other relationship in court!!!


Edited by Anything4Love (12/11/12 04:50 PM)

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