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#756392 - 11/21/12 08:40 PM Re: help please, in uncontested w/domestic abuse [Re: patientRN]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
You're doing things just for the principle of it -- you perceived that you've been treated unfairly -- and now you want to make him pay for it.

There was never any requirement for you to give him half your paycheck nor is there any requirement for him to give you hald of his, I've never heard anything so absurd. With your earning potential, it's possible that YOU might wind up paying HIM spousal support, have you considered that?

You have the ability to have this done in a few weeks -- if you think that you're going to hammer out new financial terms in time for this divorce to take place at the same time? I'm thinking that you're sadly mistaken -- he can contest the divorce, seek spousal support from you, in general drag this out so that you incur more legal costs, etc.

While I realize that the competition for RN jobs is very real, you perhaps should have been doing something to secure employement in that field prior to graduation.

You're about to open a whole huge can of whoop a$$ here -- and I'm not certain that the outcome will be what you want. Cut your losses and simply move on -- and hopefully, your bitterness and animosity will eventually fade away. You're trying to punish your STBX for something that you were apparently on board with during the term of the marriage.

No one should be paying your way through life, especially when it's simply punitive. You have the ability to make a great living with your profession -- live your life as opposed to spending it mired in the past.

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#756393 - 11/22/12 03:42 AM Re: help please, in uncontested w/domestic abuse [Re: patientRN]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
[quote] We currently live in his in-laws house, and whether I lived here or not, he would've paid his parents monthly rent anyways, regardless, because he's been paying them rent for most of his life. Also, the second I got a job, he forced me to give him at least half my paycheck when he never gave me half of his. So, that's why revoking the summary dissolution is standing up for myself, and is also trying to stop the same thing from happening to future women he may meet and/or marry.

[/quote]

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Stop it.

You are using faulty reasoning. Several people are telling you that. Listen.

Standing up for yourself is getting out ASAP and moving on.

Prolonging this to stick it to him financially is NOT sticking up for yourself. It is being greedy and a foolish manifestation of the victim mentality. Some victims mistake the power that abusers have over them as actual strength of character. Sticking up for yourself is about protecting and doing well for yourself. It's not about trying to punish him. Trying to get what you think you deserve at another's cost and trying to punish others is what abusers do. Are your experiences going to bring out that side of you ? Or are you going to rise above this and strive for a better life ?

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#756394 - 12/08/12 05:51 AM Re: help please, in uncontested w/domestic abuse [Re: finz]
1234km Offline
addict

Registered: 05/04/08
Posts: 443
No he didn't have to give you half of his income, just like he couldn't force you to give him half of yours, but you did becuase you were married.
I just don't understand this concept of you giving him half of your pay check or visa versa. Both paychecks are used to pay bills/ utilities/ food/ gas/ (and like some of us on this form) child support/ECT - IF either of you had ANY left over to fight about giving the other half of, well then consider yourselves lucky because you are then doing MUCH better than most Americans!!!!
And why do you still live with him if he is abusive? I did read that correctly didn't it? You both live in his in-laws house?
And about the spousal support, I think your crazy to ask it of him especially if he has no possible way to pay it to you.....you are the more educated (that might still be up for discussion at this point) of the two of you, on paper, you have better earning capabilities than he does from what you have told us....keep pushing it and you just might end up owing him.
I find it VERY hard to believe that you are doing ALL THIS for future ladies that might come across his path, I think you are doing it for revenge and I think you will end up losing.

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