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#757228 - 12/13/12 03:54 PM Newbie Questions
JOATMON Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/13/12
Posts: 3
1) Will I be required to pay alimony if I agree to pay my wife's mortgage, utilities, car payment, car insurance, health insurance, and groceries? If so, how much more?
2) My wife cheated, but I cannot prove what happened. She has not disclosed what happened, so I'm assuming it was sexual. After finding out, I dated a few women, but did nothing sexual. Do these two occurrences cancel each other out, or will she be penalized somehow since she was unfaithful first and had sexual relations?
3) We have two houses (one joint and one I owned before we were married). Can I make her move to the secondary house considering the mortgage is about half the primary house?
4) Since I owned the house before we were married, does that mean I keep all profit if I decide to sell it?
5) Is she entitled to half of my 401k retirement savings even though she has not contributed to it?
6) When we first married, I paid off about $9,000 of her debt (repossessed car, back taxes, delinquent student loans). Does this give me leverage in financial negotiations (e.g. alimony)?
7) Since she cheated on me, can I file for divorce after 6 months rather than waiting 12 months?
8) She has substance abuse problems (alcohol primarily) and has had three DUIs and has been to jail. I don't want to be a jerk, but if worse comes to worse, will bringing these issues to the court's attention benefit me in any way?
9) Do I need to officially file for separation or does the clock start ticking once I move out?
10) My wife is not going to take this well and can be a very evil and irrational person. Iím sure she is going to make this as difficult as possible. This being said, is it best that I hire an attorney rather than go at it on my own?
11) She is currently covered under my employer's health insurance plan. However, once we are divorced, I can no longer claim her as a dependent. Will I be required to continue paying for her health insurance through a non-employer plan until she is able to get a job that will cover her?
12) We've been married less than 7 years. Does this change anything as far as how much I will have to pay?
13) Since she does not work at the moment, I will be the one paying for all costs, fees, etc. associated with the divorce. I'm thinking of going with a mediator rather than paying 10's of thousands for two attorneys. Is this an effective alternative? Do both parties have to be in relative agreement for a mediator to work?


Edited by JOATMON (12/13/12 04:17 PM)

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#757229 - 12/18/12 01:25 AM Re: Newbie Questions [Re: JOATMON]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
I'm using the double window system here...hopefully I won't get confused.

I answered another part of your question in a separate post -- in order --

1. Why would you go in OFFERING this? That makes no sense. There's no court in the WORLD that will make you pay all that stuff, not even in Virginia.

2. Without independenet verification of adultery, none of the incidents can be used in court. While adultery IS grounds for divorce in Virginia, you darn near have to either have the testimony of the other party or clear photos of a sexual act. Familiarize yourself with the VA Code.

3. You cannot MAKE her do anything. The house you owned is your separate property and you'd be entitled to it in a divorce decree. The jointly owned house is marital property and as such, may be made part of a property settlement.

4. As long as there was no comingling of funds, that house and its profits, remain yours. However, consider the housing market carefully. It's coming back, but it's nowhere near what it used to be.

5.She may be entitled to half the contributions made during the term of the marriage only.

6. Absolutely not.

7. Without proof of adultery, you can't file for divorce before a year's separation unless there are no children involved. If you have no children together, you can get divorced in six months, regardless of the grounds for the divorce.

8.No, unless her drinking directly affects the care of children -- and you'd better have solid proof that it does. Were children in the car with her when she received any DUI charges? And knowing that she has an alcohol problem, why did you permit her to drive ANY vehicle? Lock the keys up.

9. Better to have a formal agreement before you move out -- the date on that agreement starts the clock ticking. Unless there's nothing to divide? Get it in writing.

10. If you can afford it? Attorney, all the way, based on what you're saying here and in your other post about spousal support.

11. No, you are not required to pay for health insurance for her once you're divorced, unless that's made part of a court order. Knowing what the price for COBRA is? I'd avoid that under any circumstances. You will, of course, be willing to pay for health insurance for your child(ren)? The cost for health insurance and necessary daycare is a credit to your child support amount.

12. Absolutely. Lifetime alimony? Not in a million years. IF she's lucky, she'll get it for half the term of the marriage but the length of your marriage is under the ten year mark -- again, attorney.

13. There's no need to spend 10's of thousands of dollars. Perhaps if you just sit down with her and tell her you want a divorce? The two of you can come to some type of basic agreement and you can involve an attorney at that point.

Judges in Virginia want everything to be settled BEFORE you enter the courtroom. They don't really want to adjudicate the dissolution of a relationship because someone is usually unhappy and it turns into a complete mess. Creativity is NOT a bad thing when working with finances. You could offer to pay a mortgage for her, pay her utilities, etc as part of spousal support for a certain amount of time. Child support is a separate issue and you need to be prepared to be completely hosed on that -- make certain that you don't impute income to her that will raise your child support to a greater monthly gross amount.

You NEED to read the Virginia Code buddy.....you don't necessarily have to sign yourself up for years of spousal support that may not be the best thing for her. She's a grown woman, she's got to learn how to be one and get on with life. Your marriage is of reasonably short duration....your other post sounded like you'd been married for 30 years!

Don't be offering up the moon and stars -- offer what is REASONABLE. Your offer? Completely out of line with what the facts are. You've never mentioned your children -- how many, how old? That's something that is truly needed here -- as child support and spousal support are two completely separate issues in a divorce court and on a tax form. She pays taxes on spousal support, you deduct it from your gross income. SHE is responsible for the filing of income tax forms for that money, YOU are not responsible for WITHOLDING that amount. If she doesn't PAY her taxes, it's on HER. NOT you. She'll probably qualify for the earned income credit on her taxes, not to worry -- she'll get back money she never even PAID into the system.

Step back for a bit, check out some attorneys, and realize that you're offering her more than any court would consider awarding her in a divorce action.

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