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#757989 - 01/02/13 04:21 PM I'm New Here...please help!
vanemazz Offline

recently joined

Registered: 01/02/13
Posts: 1
I really don't know where to start! I'm 28 years old. I have been married for 2 years, together for 7 total, and lived together for 6. Like every married couple we have our fights and stuff, but nothing crazy! I was gone for 2 weeks and just got back on Saturday. Leaving my husband for the holidays was horrible and rough, but i had no choice. I had to go on a cruise that was already paid for and non refundable for my grandparents 50th Wedding Anniversary. The entire family went. My husband's line of work did not allow him to go, and since he works crazy hours during the holidays he insisted I go and spend time with my family. We spoke everyday and I thought everything was fine.

I came home on saturday to a sick husband and took care of him. I was overjoyed to see him! We went to my uncle's New Years party and he had a great time.

Yesterday my husband left our house and asked me for a divorce. I feel like I got hit by an 18 wheeler! I am so confused. I never saw this coming! He said he never meant to lead me on. That he loves me, but not the same. I'm not sure what that means. Either you love someone or you don't. I asked him if there was something we could do to work things out because I don't want a divorce. Marriage counseling, anything and he said no. He can't give me a reason for wanting a divorce other than we are different people and marriage shouldn't be hard work.

My mother in law told me to give him a few days to calm down and think. Luckily I have her support. She does not want us to divorce and thinks that her son is confused. His dad asked him if their was someone else and he said no.

I'm not sure what to do. It takes everything in me not to call him or text him, or drive to his parents house. I feel alone and empty.

Any advice would be great!

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#757990 - 01/07/13 12:52 PM Re: I'm New Here...please help! [Re: vanemazz]
Annie7676 Offline
old hand

Registered: 06/05/05
Posts: 933
Loc: NY
Sorry to hear you are going through this.

You can wait this out and see if he comes to your senses or you could just move on. I know that sounds very harsh and I dont mean it that way but once the other partner says they want out, then let them go, they aren't worth it.

We all deserve to be with people that love and us and want to be with us. Having your husband tell you that he doesn't love you that way is a huge RED FLAG. Mine did it to me too, not that I am comparing my situation to yours...instead of working towards distancing myself, I hung on way too long hoping against all odds that he would change his mind. Nope that never happened. He had another woman in the wings thats why he wanted out.

His family will rally around you in the beginning but that could change once all deals are off so prepare yourself for that.

Try to keep busy and work on moving ahead in your life without him...you deserve to have a man that loves you unconditionally and doesn't tell you that he no longer loves you...think about what a kick in the butt that comment is!

Counseling, self help books, all you can do to keep your mind focused on moving ahead.

I hope things work out for you...i really do but looking back in retrospect, once they want out the best efforts you can do are to move forward without him. Focus on you and your life rather than hanging on to someone who has kicked you aside. While its hard to see now when you are hurting so bad, he is not worth it.

hopefully others will reach out to you.

Good luck.

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#757991 - 02/26/13 12:45 AM Re: I'm New Here...please help! [Re: Annie7676]
JohnBaxter Offline

recently joined

Registered: 02/26/13
Posts: 8
Take is from a guy. Leave him. One thing about broken relationships, is when they happen, it is not an overnight thing. Most likely this has been brewing, and kicked in overdrive when you went on your trip and he had time to figure things out - either on his own, or with his "new love"
Regardless - if he did it once, he'll do it again, as it is much easier the 2nd, 3rd , 4th etc.. time around.

He sounds like a nice guy, however from a guys point of view, he probably has a change of heart - and doesn't know how to break the news to you - some of us guys are like gorillas and are just not that versed in expressing these kinds of things. A few grunts and we think we got it covered.

Love should be natural - much like that of your children. YOu have to ask yourself, does your children do anything that requires you to "work on your love for them?" of course not.
If you have to "work on it" with him (and he you) you are not with the true love - only a filler. Sometimes they are long, other times they are quick and painless. but regardless - love is not something you work on. That's just my opinion.

It is what you feel in each other. Its is just sad in life that we meet the wrong people all the time, and the sparks fly, but in the end, one person fizzles out, and doesn't have any fuel that the other can light them with.

Even if you work it out, you will never trust him again. You will always be wondering. (i know this from personal experience) - There will always be a hole there.

but guys are a strange breed - sometimes we think we want someone in our lives, and after its there - we're not so sure anymore. some guys like the chase - sometimes they realize it AFTER they got you, some are not so sure and hang around - Yes it sucks - but it life. Look back on your relationship, how many times does he seem content with you gone on even the SMALLEST of trips (church? shopping? etc..) and does he stay at work longer sometimes? Those might have been hints.

I've been on both sides of the fence, I can give you a good guys point of view. I'd like to hear how this pans out. But trust me, if you feel like you got hit by a truck - he was not being the least bit open with you, and that is not fair.

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