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#765553 - 10/25/13 06:36 PM Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage
BaltDad Offline

journeyman

Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 52
Ugly story.

Wife and I used to contribute 50% each to the mortgage. She just stopped paying anything towards it in August, 2012. I knew something was coming so I hoarded my money for attorney fees. We get foreclosure papers in April. Wife leaves 2 weeks later. She knew she was leaving and just lived there as a freeloader until she felt that the house would be lost.

I'm living in the marital home and we have 50-50 shared custody of the kids pending a final hearing.

Is there anything I can file to get her to contribute to the mortgage? I spoke with the bank about a modification in my name alone. They were actually open to the idea, but they required a Quit Claim Deed from my STBX. She and I are both on the Deed and on the Mortgage. She advised that she will not sign a QCD and won't do anything. The house is my problem and she is fine with it being sold at Foreclosure.

What can be done? My lawyer seems reluctant to take any action. I have complained that this seems absurd to me. If a Man intentionally stopped paying the mortgage and left upon getting a Foreclosure Notice, the court would step in and order that he continue to contribute to the marital home. He would never be allowed to render his wife and kids homeless!

Wife has an apartment that costs exactly what her 50% of the mortgage costs. My attorney says that STBX doesn't make enough $$ to pay for both so no court will order her to pay for the mortgage. But can't the court order her to sign the QCD so that I can get a modification? Or do I just have to accept that her decision will cost me my home?

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#765554 - 10/30/13 05:06 AM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BaltDad]
annieo Offline

veteran

Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1499
I will tell that if you are wanting to keep your 50/50 you better have a place for the children to live and have them situated before the hearing on the 50/50 per your post on custody forum. It would have been best to have included this information in your other post so that people can help you accordingly - if you do not have a stable residence then yes the judge can go against status quo of the 50/50 and maybe this is what your ex has as her strategy....

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#765555 - 10/30/13 12:28 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: annieo]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
Why was the house permitted to go into foreclosure? Are you not able to make the payments without her income? Or did you just stop paying it?

Hoarding money for attorney's fees may have seemed like the right way to go at the time, but if that's the reason that it's gone into foreclosure? A somewhat flawed thought process.

Not signing a quit claim deed soounds somewhat spiteful and vindictive to me.

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#765556 - 10/30/13 04:43 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BeachBabeRN]
BaltDad Offline

journeyman

Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 52
She is totally spiteful and vindictive. She wont' cooperate with a modification because she wants me to lose the house. No other reason. She'd rather suffer a foreclosure on her credit than allow me to continue to live there. And what will THAT show to a Judge? Her children will lose their home. Is that really looking out for their best interests?

I won't be homeless. Chances are very good that I will be in the marital home when the divorce becomes final -- just not sure how much longer after that. Worst case scenario is moving to an apartment similar to the one she has - or moving in with family with plenty of extra space and bedrooms. I wouldn't think that those worst case options would really hurt my chances of continuing 50-50 shared custody. She moves out after not making payments and I lose custody because I don't make enough money to carry the payments on a $800k house by myself?? I get penalized for that???

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#765557 - 10/30/13 09:10 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BaltDad]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
I didn't say anything of the kind -- but as I told some friends this past weekend, I wouldn't buy a house that required someone else's income to make the payments --

What's made her feel that she'd rather have a foreclosure on her credit than sign the quit claim deed?

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#765558 - 10/30/13 09:59 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BeachBabeRN]
annieo Offline

veteran

Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1499
As long as you are providing a stable residence at the time of the 50/50 hearing you should be fine however any time a judge decides over coming to an agreement outside of court it is a crap shoot and generally everyone gets something they ask for regardless of who is capable of providing the residence that will be in the children's best interest. Your 50/50 status quo will help you gain 50/50 but in all the years I was unfortunate enough to have to play in custody courts a crap shoot ensued and I never presumed or expected anything no matter how much sense it made because the judge has the final say and he/she has his/her own set of ideals as to what they think is best for the children - much better to settle if at all possible.

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#765559 - 10/31/13 08:10 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BeachBabeRN]
BaltDad Offline

journeyman

Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 52
[quote]

What's made her feel that she'd rather have a foreclosure on her credit than sign the quit claim deed? [/quote]

She must not think I would actually let it go in foreclosure. She was given the option of signing a QCD so that I could then get a modification in my name alone. The bank was on board with that. She refused -- even though she knows that there is no equity to be had. So instead of ridding herself of debt on a home she doesn't want and doesn't live in, she chose to block my attempts to work things out. What could her motivation be .. other than spite?

I will try to get the judge to order her to sign a QCD. ... or maybe she would like to be ordered to pay the mortgage?

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#765560 - 10/31/13 08:12 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BaltDad]
BaltDad Offline

journeyman

Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 52
Most men can't just up and leave their wife and kids and walk away from the family home. Aren't there usually orders compelling the departed husband to keep paying a % of the mortgage for a period of time? I just don't see how she can get away with this ... just because she's a woman.

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#765561 - 10/31/13 09:04 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BaltDad]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
I completely agree but there are some people that never lose the hate -- I've been divorced from my kids' father for twenty YEARS and everything bad that has happened is his life is MY fault.

I don't get it....but that's honestly how he thinks. He's now got my younger son into his entitlement mindset and my child **21** blames ME for his losing his job, his car, etc.....when it's my child going down in flames by himself without any effort whatsoever to help himself.

I'm wondering if she does think there's equity there -- and that's why she's holding out, thinking there's money to be had. Perhaps she needs to understand that in a foreclosure situation there's definitely nothing coming back. This is not an action I'd EVER choose, I work hard at maintaining an impeccable credit profile.

Not sure how to rectify this situation honestly.

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#765562 - 10/31/13 09:24 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BeachBabeRN]
BaltDad Offline

journeyman

Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 52
She told the bank she wanted me to do a Short Sale. So, assuming she is bright enough to know what that even is, she must agree that there is no equity coming her way. She hasn't asked for $$ in exchange for the QCD. She wants me out of the home so that her 2 bedroom apartment doesn't look so bad. If I'm also in a 2 bedroom apartment, we are on equal ground for custody. If I am in the family home, her situation looks worse. But what she doesn't get is that evidence of her refusal to cooperate will make her look even worse. She is displacing not just me, but also our 2 children. She is truly selfish and evil.

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#765563 - 10/31/13 09:57 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BaltDad]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
Okay, play HER game. You have stated that you could afford the house yourself. So SHORT sell it to a relative, buy it back from the relative for a dollar when its done.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#765564 - 11/01/13 11:10 AM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BaltDad]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
[quote]Most men can't just up and leave their wife and kids and walk away from the family home. Aren't there usually orders compelling the departed husband to keep paying a % of the mortgage for a period of time? I just don't see how she can get away with this ... just because she's a woman. [/quote]


*****************************************

I didn't think a CO to keep paying the mortgage/part of the mortgage while an ex partner continues to live there is a common "thing" unless it's in lieu of SS or part of CS...... Maybe if the house is being sold, but not so one person can continue to live there with the kids. Each parent should get a residence that they can afford.

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#765565 - 11/01/13 01:54 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: gr8Dad]
BaltDad Offline

journeyman

Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 52
[quote]Okay, play HER game. You have stated that you could afford the house yourself. So SHORT sell it to a relative, buy it back from the relative for a dollar when its done. [/quote]

I might just let it go to foreclosure sale. A family member can buy it for a big discount (or help me find a more affordable home). I'm not really interested in saving her from the foreclosure on her credit history. She caused the issue and has done nothing to help me resolve it. Let her live with the consequences.

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#765566 - 11/01/13 07:52 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BaltDad]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
Aren't those consequences the same as you? A foreclosure on your credit record? You've already said that the mortgage note is in both your names --

I'd be fighting to maintain my own credit record, which makes life easier.....with a foreclosure on your record have you any idea how difficult it will be for you to even rent something else?

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#765567 - 11/02/13 12:23 AM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BeachBabeRN]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
Protecting your credit during a divorce is like protecting your KNEES during a prize fight. Its HARD, and it really accomplishes very little.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#765568 - 11/02/13 11:58 AM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: gr8Dad]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
It's a fight that's worth it to me, Gr8 -- always has been.

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#765569 - 11/05/13 06:18 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BeachBabeRN]
BaltDad Offline

journeyman

Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 52
Credit is already trashed. Her unwillingness to cooperate just makes me want to make her suffer the consequences. If she had signed the QCD, I could have modified the mortgage and removed her from it completely. She wants to see the house gone. So -- I can make that happen for her. And like a nuclear war, we will both suffer huge losses. Nobody wins.

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#765570 - 11/07/13 04:32 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BaltDad]
BaltDad Offline

journeyman

Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 52
Just offered STBX a few thousand dollars to sign the Quit Claim Deed. She'd be stupid not to accept and do it. But I predict she'll be stubborn. Her choices are clear. She can take the money and then get herself off of the mortgage (bank is willing to do that if she signs the QCD) or she can sit there and watch me file a bankruptcy (sending all the creditors her way) and then we'll just watch the house get sold at foreclosure.

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#765571 - 11/11/13 05:00 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BaltDad]
BaltDad Offline

journeyman

Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 52
No response from the STBX regarding my cash offer for the QCD. I guess she wants a foreclosure. So totally dumb.

Any suggestions?

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#765572 - 11/07/16 04:01 PM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: BaltDad]
cube68 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 11/07/16
Posts: 1
I am in the exact situation as you are. My STBX has refused to sign a QCD for over 9 months, and we have a foreclosure conference at the courthouse next week. I made a last minute attempt to get help from a housing counseling agency, but they can't do anything for me without the QCD, either. I currently have primary physical, and she gets every other weekend plus Wednesdays. I know she is doing this to try to get more custody once we lose our house. She abandoned us (myself and 3 children) almost a year ago, and didn't care about custody until I was awarded child support this past August. Wont the judge see through all of her games?

Any suggestions?

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#765573 - 11/08/16 12:09 AM Re: Wife Left - Won't Help With Marital Home Mortgage [Re: cube68]
mskelly Offline

journeyman

Registered: 05/02/16
Posts: 57
I don't know where you are located but I'd say it is a roll of the dice as to the Judge seeing through her silly games. It didn't go that way with my Husband and his Ex. She was able to cry her way to sympathy.Good luck

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