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#765985 - 12/03/13 09:38 PM Nothing in common I want to go home (10 yrs later)
AtHomeStepMom Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/03/13
Posts: 1
My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs next June. We have grown far apart for many reasons. I have not worked outside the farm because time really didn't allow for it. I have tried to get things going within the farm here (small business profit) but we are not in a good enough area to really generate the money. I simply want out of this marriage for many reasons and start my life over. We don't have anything in common anymore. I feel like a glorified babysitter for his 2 teens that are left (the other two have since gone to college etc....) We used to raise horses and made good money but that has gone down the drain the first 3 years of our marriage. We did enjoy raising our horses and the activities but he found a new hobby. Now, I take care of his barnyard birds that I want nothing to do with. I realize this may sound humorous to some, but to me it angers me. I was not asked, it was assumed upon me. He got into raising chickens, game fowl to be exact and that began 3 years ago and I can't stand these birds but I am left to care for them and there is a lot of them!! He spends more time and energy into them than I care to mention. It upsets his two kids here because most of his time is spent with those chickens. They resent the chickens and they resent me.... It's a very uncomfortable place to be. Most of his family is in the dark about how life is here at home and I do not talk with them. That is their choosing.
We have debt. We have a home that he owned before I came into the picture and we refinanced it, added a bedroom (adding value to the property), and the home value has increased over time also. I gave up everything to come here and marry him NEVER dreamed things to go as they have.

I do not want to be in this relationship any longer and have had too many questionable reasons to think why I haven't left sooner. I have even caught him emailing and planning a couple flings with 2 other women, separate occasions in the past and confronted him. Granted, I can't prove an affair took place but admittingly, I have lost all trust/respect for him and I will not allow myself to trust him, I will state why in a few sentence more. I do not want anymore counseling ---it's a waste of our time. I simply want to move back to my home state and start my life over and be near my family. I've told him several times for a year now that I want a divorce and I want to go back home. He begs to work it out but I seriously want to do something NOW, a whole year later. I feel like my life is slipping away from me.
Since I am not working outside the home and he makes all the money, can I just go ahead and get an attorney and make him pay? He is gone usually 3 weeks out of the month anyway. Can I file irreconcilable differences? Can we do a "do it yourself" and be fair? Will he have to help me financially because I do not have any income and I need to get a life/career again. I want to work or go to school. I made good money before when I lived in MN. Unfortunately for him, I am not a chicken farmer....
Where do I begin? Is there consultation for this? I want to be fair. I believe in my ability to start over but I wonder if I will be entitled to anything accumulated and equity in the property. He makes about $180,000 in a business I got him into. My ex did this type of work prior and now he is doing it. I do the book work. But I am not listed as a business owner. Also, his vehicle got vandalized last year and he lost a bunch of stuff and in the process of reporting it, IT slipped out about another "Bank Account" he opened in another state. Apparently he is trying to start up business somewhere else with another chicken friend. I have this suspicion he was trying to hide money for a divorce eventually...? He swears up and down that isn't so but I know he lies and he tries to cover them up. I'll still be fair but not na´ve. Help me see what and where to begin please.

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#765986 - 12/05/13 12:54 PM Re: Nothing in common I want to go home (10 yrs later) [Re: AtHomeStepMom]
MinnesotaMom Offline

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 770
Go see an attorney. Use a credit card to bring the process. Or if you have a joint checking account, simply write it from there. An attorney can answer all the questions you have. It's hard to say what your assets are, but with his income, a few years of alimony is likely. Good luck.

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