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#767204 - 04/24/14 06:54 PM 4th Marriage
Otis1352 Offline

journeyman

Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 74
Loc: Kingwood, Texas
My child came home yesterday telling me my ex is planning on getting married to her 1st husband (I was here 3rd)and he is planning on moving to Houston with her and my daughter. They originally were planning on getting married and her/ my daughter moving to Dallas, but she talked to an attorney and was told she would more than likely not be able to move with the child. My question is this. Is there anything I can do to prevent this? I know I cannot stop the marriage but I feel it is not a good environment for my daughter. This would be the 4th marriage for both of them. I can prove he cheated on my ex while they were married, I can prove he committed her to a mental institution while they were married, and I can prove they had an affair while he was still married to his 3rd wife. He also has a 10 yr old son that my ex has not been able to meet. We have an open custody case from 2 years ago. In that case her attorney had requested full psychiatric evaluations on both of us. I would also want a family study done before my daughter be allowed to live in this situation. I am just curious what if anything can be done. I have not had a chance to speak to my attorney.

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#767205 - 04/25/14 06:43 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Otis1352]
javajunkiee Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 3200
Loc: SC
None of the affair nonsense matters to stopping your child from moving away. If you have a clause in your custody agreement that both parents must reside in a certain area or proximity to one another, then she would have to file her intent to relocate. When she does that you file your disagreement with your daughter relocating and your intent to seek sole physical custody.

SHE can move, but unless you consent, or she can prove you are an uninvolved or unfit parent, your daughter stays put.

If she is granted the move away with your daughter, you have your parenting time adjusted and have your ex pay all of the transportation costs associated with you seeing your daughter for that parenting time. She moved - you shouldn't have to pay the costs because of that.
_________________________
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.

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#767206 - 04/28/14 07:34 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: javajunkiee]
Otis1352 Offline

journeyman

Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 74
Loc: Kingwood, Texas
I know I have a 99% chance of preventing her from moving to Dallas with my daughter. That is not the issue anymore. I am being told he is moving here. The question was what would be my chances of preventing my daughter from living in that situation. So yes, the affairs, 4th marriages, and all the other issues would come into play. She took my daughter to spend the night with this man while he was still living with his wife. He has a 10 year old son that my ex has not met in the 10 months they have dated yet, my daughter is exposed to this affair. How can that not play a role in the courts decision? She cannot prove me as an unfit parent. I watch my daughter every day after school and every other Saturday while my ex works, I have not missed one visitation in 5 years.

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#767207 - 04/29/14 12:09 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Otis1352]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
The actions that you have listed here don't make her an unfit parent, according to our legal system.

You can hope for primary placement/being the custodial parent. You can try to get a "no cohabitation" clause in the custody order so that neither of you can expose your dd to unmarried overnight guests/living together situtions, but once your ex marries this guy, they'd be allowed to live together and your dd would still be staying with them.

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#767208 - 04/29/14 05:12 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: finz]
Otis1352 Offline

journeyman

Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 74
Loc: Kingwood, Texas
I know it is hard to prove her an unfit mother in our court system. I just do not think it is a good environment for my daughter. When they were married the first time he had her committed to a mental hospital for her drinking and mental issues. I have my DD more than 50% of the time now. They are getting married. The only thing in question now is does my ex take me to court to try and move with dd to Dallas or does he move here. I think I would stand a chance of preventing DD from moving to Dallas. If he moves here, I think I would stand a chance of getting joint custody (50/50 time) at least. I doubt many people have experience with a 4th marriage. I wonder how the courts will view this. I would think the family study and counselor would have some issues with this.

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#767209 - 04/30/14 02:41 AM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Otis1352]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
I don't think they would view a 4th marriage as hugely different than a 3rd marriage......and a 3rd time bride, previously committed to a mental institution, is who you chose to be the mother of your dd. Because of that, I believe that making a big deal of her 4th marriage could actually lower your credibility in the eyes of the court.

I have not been through the process yet myself, so my opinions are just that.

I would hope that you will be able to block your ex moving a great distance away as the CP of your dd because such a move would affect your dd's ability to keep the same close relationship to you, not because your ex is a nutjob.

If your ex's new (repeat) hubby moves to your area, I believe you should have 50/50, at least.......because that has been the status quo, not because you don't like your ex's choice for #4.

Is your ex currently also in Kingwood, TX ? How far is that from Dallas ?

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#767210 - 04/30/14 05:24 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: finz]
Otis1352 Offline

journeyman

Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 74
Loc: Kingwood, Texas
Dallas is almost 5 hours away. It is not so much the 4th marriage as it is some of the choices they have made that are not healthy for my DD. Like I stated, he has a 10 years old son that my ex still has not met. I believe they will get torn apart during the family study. There are many issues that will have to be dealt with that they have ignored for the most part. In the 10 months they have dated, they have done very little with my DD. For the most part she gets ignored when he is around. I should also mention this. This is her 3rd engagement is the last 4 years. She has a history of being a gold digger. I would think the judge and the family counselor would have issues with the affair and exposing an 8 yr. old child to it.I am not worried about her taking my DD to Dallas. I am 99% sure that will never happen. I worry about him moving here. It is not a good environment for my DD.

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#767211 - 04/30/14 07:51 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Otis1352]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
Others have said this and I unfortunately have to agree with them -- none of the issues that you list above make any difference in the legal system. Your parenting time should absolutely be at a minimum 50%

Object to a move away.

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#767212 - 04/30/14 08:10 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: BeachBabeRN]
Otis1352 Offline

journeyman

Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 74
Loc: Kingwood, Texas
That is a shame. It should matter! No wonder why things are so screwed up. Look what we are teaching our children. Once I figure out what her plan is, I will take her to court and see what happens. The only good thing for me is the judge we have is a fathers judge.

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#767213 - 05/01/14 05:54 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Otis1352]
c_jane Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 1951
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
My Ex- moved a "lady" in and lived with her for 4 years and had my son exposed to that as well as HER stripper-daughter pregnant with 2 other kids by THREE different men. So there was Ex- & his live-in, my baby son which he had custody of, 2 kids 2 & 4 and the PG, unmarried daughter and the lawyer just shrugged his shoulders & said none of that was against the law.

It IS sad. And I was active in church, never even DATED or HAD another man around my son but yet HE had custody.
_________________________
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.

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#767214 - 05/01/14 07:19 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: c_jane]
Otis1352 Offline

journeyman

Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 74
Loc: Kingwood, Texas
My attorney seems to think we can at least get custody modified. Hope for 50/50 custody or at least expanded visitation. It all depends on what my ex decides to do. If she get married and plans to move to Dallas, she will screw herself. The judge is not going to allow her to leave with our DD. If he comes her, well all I can do is try. At least our judge is father friendly. I have to try and do what I think is best for my DD.
It is a very screwed up system. I see way too many parents that do not deserve to have custody of kids. From my side, I see too many good father that get screwed.

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#767215 - 05/05/14 03:27 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Otis1352]
RedskinFan Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 01/23/06
Posts: 276
I was going to suggest you get the papers modified to reflect your actual custody situation. While you are doing that, you can see if you can add the move away clause in your papers as well. I would not wait until after they are married to get the ball rolling, do it now. It will take some time, and you will want this settled by the time school starts again.

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#767216 - 05/06/14 04:14 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: RedskinFan]
Otis1352 Offline

journeyman

Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 74
Loc: Kingwood, Texas
We already have a geographic restriction clause in our divorce decree. She cannot move to Dallas without filing to modify. I have spoke to my attorney and he said the same thing. File now and try to get our court documents to reflect my actual visitation. Which is basically 50/50. We will request a family study be ordered if they are planning on getting married. I have been thru this before. They should be more afraid of this then going in front of the judge. This is where the "small stuff" matters (the affairs, not meeting his son, and all the other issues). My ex and I had to go thru one when we got married. Now the plan is to wait till June to file. We want to establish as much 50/50 co-parenting time as possible. My attorney feels this would look better to the judge and strengthen my case.

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#767217 - 05/09/14 10:10 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Otis1352]
Curmudgeon Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2030
Loc: MO Ozarks
Have you been keeping a calendar or other record of the times you've had your daughter at your home? If not, I'd certainly start one.

I have to ask, is any of this simply get-back aimed at your ex? You sound very angry.

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#767218 - 05/09/14 10:23 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Curmudgeon]
BeachBabeRN Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
You're making me dizzy!!!!! You've used both your handles in three days!!!!!

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#767219 - 05/10/14 03:51 AM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: BeachBabeRN]
Curmudgeon Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2030
Loc: MO Ozarks
Me too. I think I'll stick with this one.

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#767220 - 05/14/14 04:58 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Curmudgeon]
Otis1352 Offline

journeyman

Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 74
Loc: Kingwood, Texas
Yes, I have a calendar and I keep a journal of everything that goes on. This way I will remember exact times and dates. It is not pay back towards my ex. Yes, I am very angry. I have watched my ex go thru 3 engagement in the last 5 years. I have listen to my DD tell me how neglected she feel by her mom. I have watched my DD live in poverty and do without all while my ex is going on cruises and trips out of town. Here is a good example. This past Mother's day weekend my DD should have been with her mother all weekend. Instead my DD was with me until 7pm Sunday night. The ex was out of town with her man. She had promised to be home at 1pm on Sunday to take my DD to get a mani/ pedi because she had a presentation to do at school the following Monday. At 3pm, she finally called only to tell my DD she would not be home until 7pm. I watched my DD melt down because she was let down by her mother once again. She tried to claim she did not know she was supposed to have her DD for Mother's day weekend. Really?? She has 2 other kids from her second marriage and has been doing this for 15 years. She knew she was supposed to have her, but it was more important to be out of town with him. There is a lot more to this then I have told, but it has 100% to do with what is best for my child and nothing to do with getting back at my ex.

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#767221 - 05/17/14 04:29 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Otis1352]
Curmudgeon Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2030
Loc: MO Ozarks
Sounds reasonable to me!

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#767222 - 05/20/14 12:50 AM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: Otis1352]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
Quote:
She has 2 other kids from her second marriage and has been doing this for 15 years.


************************************

And KNOWING that, you chose to make a baby with her.

Much of the background info you have given here regarding your ex can make your judgement sound questionable. You'll want to avoid that in front of the judge.

The stories that I have read from people who were successful in their custody fights usually focus on the positive things that they are doing to parent their children, not the negative things their exes are doing unless there are clear cases of abuse or neglect, in which case CPS should be involved.

No one here is disagreeing with you that your ex sounds like a loser. Be careful about focusing too much on that; it can make you look bad.

Focus on your close relationship with your daughter, how involved you are with her schooling, extracurriculars, doctor appts, etc Keep track of how much extra time you get with her when your ex gives up her time. Look for specifics like excessive tardiness or absenteeism from school on ex's time with perfect attendance on your time, etc

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#767223 - 05/21/14 07:55 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: finz]
Otis1352 Offline

journeyman

Registered: 07/20/13
Posts: 74
Loc: Kingwood, Texas
The comment about having 2 other kids was pertaining to knowing she should have had our DD for Mother's day weekend. She tried to claim she did not know. She has been divorced from her other husband for 15 years. She should know that she has her children. She had her other 2 kids that weekend. I agree with what you are saying. I am sure my attorney will focus on the positive things. Like I said, I have my DD everyday after school. I am the one who helps with homework daily. I have all the extra time documented. I have all the dates of when ex gave up her time. I have school records that show the dates of when my DD has missed school. Unfortunately, I have been thru this for a long time. I have become pretty good at the documentation part of it.

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#767224 - 06/23/16 08:09 PM Re: 4th Marriage [Re: c_jane]
vincenzo_pucci Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/23/16
Posts: 3
was a great resource for me during my 6th divorce. She saved me lots of time and money. Hope that is of help <a [censored]="[censored]://scottsdaleazdivorcelaw.com" target="_blank">Karen Schoenau</a>


Edited by vincenzo_pucci (06/23/16 08:17 PM)

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