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#767863 - 07/09/14 05:50 PM Have no idea where to start...
95jersey Offline

recently joined

Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 4
Hello All,

Will try to be brief. Here is my situation and frankly I am not sure what I should do. Just looking for some advice/direction.

Live in NJ, 42 year old male, been married approximately 13 years with a 10 year old son. Without going into the long history, I am looking to potentially get a divorce. My wife is extremely verbally abusive to me and my son. She is angry 24x7 at every and anything and takes it out on me and my son. Think about if someone cut you off at a traffic light and began to scream in your face. This is how my wife behaves in the home all the time. Anything you say (good morning, do you know where the keys are, did the dog go out to bathroom) will put her over the deep end into angry rage that will go on for hours. At this point, I can barely even speak to her about anything without her screaming at the top of her lungs. This has been going on for years. She admits it and I have asked her to get help on many occasions and nothing has changed. It is really effecting my son, he says he hates his mother, wants to kill himself to end the screaming, doesn't want to live here, etc...

Unfortunately after giving her many chances and changing my behavior to avoid conflict, I can no longer control the situation. I actually really feel sorry for her that she can not find happiness in her life.

My first concern is my son. I am VERY concerned about her having primary custody. Right now the only reason I stay is to act as a buffer/mediator between him and my wife, to give him a positive role model and someone he can go to when she breaks out in her anger episodes. I don't want to take him away from her, but I know I can no longer live with her and do not want him alone with her for extended periods of time.

Obviously the second concern is assets. My wife doesn't work and has not worked the full term of the marriage. She says it is to stay home with my son, BUT I know it is because she does not want to work. Therefore all my money goes to her and I am broke.

Since she has no credit, house and all assets (cars) are in my name. We have savings, but very little due to her not willing to work. The worst case scenario is that she gets my son and all my money and I have to work day and night to support her while she sits home watching TV all day yelling at my son.

What can I do? Where do I begin? I don't mind giving her all our savings/cars/house if she would just go away and get out of my and my son's life.

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#767864 - 04/28/15 06:53 PM Re: Have no idea where to start... [Re: 95jersey]
ngnzlz72 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 04/28/15
Posts: 2
you will definitely be paying alimony and child support. The only way you can prevent child support is to basically prove that your (soon to be ex?) wife is unfit- or that she is a bad influence on your son. Even then, the courts are loath to separate a child from their mother - even one that is an aggressor. you have an uphill battle on that one - but you could push for joint custody and 50/50 parenting time (as is the case in my situation). not only does that affect child support but it keeps that "buffer" you mentioned. You will probably need to start sending your child to a LCSW - if you haven't already.

as far as her working, I believe that the courts recognize that one cannot maintain 2 households unless you are personally wealthy. your wife may try to avoid working, but eventually will have to. You will have to make a strong case and probably have to get a lawyer. You could try to represent yourself (as I did) but there are mixed results and a lawyer worth his salt can give you the lay of the land with your case.

Good luck and I'm sorry. I had a very similar situation with my ex but we did not have a kid together. I have a pretty good sense of what you are going through.

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