Stbx and I have four kids - ages 8 to 15. We are telling them about the divorce in two weeks, the kids and I will move out two weeks after that.
We are currently at an impasse about a living schedule. In that I want to set one, he wants to let them choose and come and go as they please.
I think they will benefit from the structure of knowing where they're going to live and when, and will have less stress if they don't have to figure out who/when/how often/etc. to choose, especially in the beginning when their world turns upside down.
He is adamant that he will not "force" his kids to be somewhere they do not want to be. He thinks it should be entirely up to them who they live with and when they want to live with the other parent, if at all.
He readily acknowledges that doing things his way means that they will likely not live with him much.Yet he still insists he wants to do it this way.
I feel a GREAT deal of anxiety about putting this on the kids. I don't see it as giving them freedom. Not in the beginning. I see it as giving them a burden, the burden of having to navigate this choice emotionally when they are reeling from the news.
But...I am open to hearing that I am wrong. And I don't know how I would be able to implement a set schedule if he's dead set against it. So I either have to persuade him to give my way a go, or find a way to make his way work in a way that's emotionally healthy for the kids.
So has anyone let their kids choose? How did it go? Would you do it again? Tips, tricks, advice?
Has anyone had to resolve conflict with an ex over whether or not to use a set schedule? How did you accomplish that?