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#771019 - 11/10/15 08:35 PM Holidays
fighters1420 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 11/10/15
Posts: 1
This Thanksgiving is my holiday time. My ex talked to the kids back in August about his parents coming to town. I didn't get an email about it until October. My ex is wanting the kids this Thanksgiving because his parents are coming here to meet his new girlfriend. I originally said no that it was my time. His mother sent me an email today that I needed to think long and hard about my decision and that I was refusing the kids to see their grandparents. I don't know what to do? My kids say they don't want to go.

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#771020 - 11/11/15 03:53 AM Re: Holidays [Re: fighters1420]
javajunkiee Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 3200
Loc: SC
Do you and your ex have an amicable relationship? That would be the deciding factor for me.

If your relationship is amicable, working with him on this may build good will between the two of you. Also, unless the grandparents are full-out psychopaths, what is the harm in seeing them?

If your relationship with him is contentious, determine if the fallout from *not working with him will be more or less hassle than just sending the kids over. Will he be disagreeable going forward? Will he decide to fight harder or more?

Thanksgiving is a single day; if they spend it with dad it's not the end of the world, and it could set a good example for the kids. Heck, they might even have a good time.
_________________________
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.

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#771021 - 11/11/15 02:21 PM Re: Holidays [Re: fighters1420]
Annie7676 Offline
old hand

Registered: 06/05/05
Posts: 933
Loc: NY
Tough decision, and you say they don't want to go. Where do these grandparents live? How often do they see them? Are they good grandparents or only see them and interact occasionally? Dumb questions, maybe and really have no relevance except sometimes it is better to take the high road unless you are dealing with mean evil people.

The reason I say that is I'm a grandparent with split up parents and the other side which I have always been nice, pleasant and polite to are about the rudest, meanest and selfish people I have ever met. I don't know how many times I tried to be nice and all I got was sarcastic insults and rude attitude. If they are like that, then I would let the kids decide.

But if they are nice folk, whats the harm in maybe working out they go for dessert or something...it may teach the kids a good lesson.

Who knows, all I know is that this bickering and tension in split families is very stressful and the ones that suffer are the kids.

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#771022 - 11/11/15 04:57 PM Re: Holidays [Re: Annie7676]
c_jane Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 1951
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
How old are the kids? And I would be willing to give up HALF a day, if it could work into MY plans that I had made ALREADY with not too much effort.

If kids are 12-up, I would let them decide because it IS your time. Younger than 12, I would make them go for a couple hours if possible with YOUR plans.
_________________________
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.

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#771023 - 11/12/15 10:56 AM Re: Holidays [Re: c_jane]
SRS Offline

Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 2585
Let them go. He has to provide transportation. Take a day for yourself. Make a nice salad for brunch - something the kids hate. Go see 2 movies that you can't take the kids to. End the day with a nice bath.

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#771024 - 11/13/15 02:33 PM Re: Holidays [Re: fighters1420]
Goodmom Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/17/07
Posts: 2202
If you are talking about Thanksgiving Day, I would say no. But offer the day after until Saturday and he provides all transportation. This way, you still get your holiday and the kids get to see their grandparents.

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#771025 - 11/13/15 11:02 PM Re: Holidays [Re: Goodmom]
oldsmom Offline

member

Registered: 06/08/15
Posts: 100
Does saying yes make you feel uncomfortable? Why?

And why do your kids not want to go? Is it because it's yuor year, or is there a dynamic at play in the other situation? And is that dynamic a problem or just new and uncomfortable?

If your ex pushes a lot of boundaries, say no.

If your ex is generally okay, and usually pretty good, then I would consider why the kids don't want to go. AND I would consider if I WANT the kids to go.

Personally, in your shoes, I LIKE having my kids on the holidays. I would say no because I want to see the kids.

And don't worry about the grandparents. If you really want to be nice, but still keep the kids, you could always invite them to your house. We have done that before, and it addressed the grandparent frustration without giving up boundaries.

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