Feeling tired. My marriage has been doomed from the start & I think I have finally realized leaving the marriage is the healthiest thing I can do for us both. In the beginning... We were married for 2 weeks before he left to serve the country. Two months later I had a sick to my stomach feeling when I hadn't heard from him in 3 weeks, to calm my nerves I logged into his social network to see if he'd been active, well what I ended up finding was multiple inappropriate conversations sexually and emotionally between him & his Ex. I was crushed, literally worst feeling I have ever had in my life. Two months later... At a new job, I remember the first time I saw him- I had never had a feeling of instant sparks, attraction, & a feeling of who is this person?? I need to know him. Come to find out later he felt the same way. I tried my hardest to avoid him & be as nasty as I could if he approached me. One drunken night out with the girls (which he ended up showing up to) started a two year affair. My affair ended when I became pregnant with my husbands child. When my son was born everything seemed perfect, until it wasn't. My husband was hiding his phone when he'd use it and changed all his passwords. A few months later I finally cracked the code on his lab top... & what I found was horrifying . He was on multiple dating websites & his skype call log was full of naked women who obviously & admittedly he was having online sex with (Ew). He denied, denied, denied. Until I told him I'd had enough, I had an affair & I wanted a divorce. We separated for a month. He came crying to me & admitted that it started while I was pregnant bc he was bored while on deployment (again) and he became addicted to how all the sexy online girls wanted him l, he swore he had only met up with 2 of them and they didn't have sex he said. We committed to working on our marriage... 5 months later I find he never stopped his online obsession , just slowed down so as not to get caught. I tried to leave again but he convinced me to stay. Two years later... We have both been faithful for two years to my knowledge & I had been trying harder than ever to make my marriage work & be the best wife ever to atone for my sins. Well that went to [censored] when my husband got admitted to the hospital for PTSD & in his 2 month long admission he met someone. While he was in the hospital I was the most patient supportive person I could be. What did all of this hard work get me? Two weeks after he came home he left me for her. He filled for separation while they lived together and were in a relationship for 4+ months... We were headed for divorce . I was a mess at first but by the end was healing well. Until he came home & begged for me back. I let him back in thinking it was what's best for our son (during his months gone he came around 2 times to see him & he missed his daddy so much ) it's three months later & we have yet to talk about everything . We just dove back in & acted like nothing happened. I have begged for counseling but he makes excuses as to why he or we can't do it. The bottom line... I have fallen out of love & I have it in my mind that if we stay together for 5 years, 10 years, 20 years one or both of us will cheat again since we never confronted/addressed why we cheated in the first place & therefore how could either of us have truly changed?? ... What I want here is for someone to tell me wow that's a really [censored] story & you should run fast . 😕