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#771743 - 04/30/16 10:05 PM child visitation in TX
txmom16 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 04/30/16
Posts: 2
My 16 year old has become very apprehensive about going to her dad's for her summer visitation this year. We live almost 7 hours apart and she is getting to the point where she wants to get a job so she can have her own money but what job is going to let a 16 yr old take a 2 month vacation. She is supposed to go to her dads for the entirety of the summer based on our divorce decree but with her being 16 can she refuse to do her summer visitation? she is becoming increasingly depressed as we get closer to summer vacation and I have been telling her that I do not have a choice-that legally I have to keep the relationship avenue open so that she can have a relationship with her father or I could be held in contempt of court. Can she legally refuse to go on her visitation? I know neither I nor her father have the money to go through a legal battle at the moment and I really don't want to fight with him but is there a point where the child can just say that she does not want to be away from home for 2 1/2 months when she is wanting to grow into an adult and have a job, do her drivers education so she can start to drive the car that was already bought for her, make her own money, participate in the summer programs at school that will help her with pursuing her music(she is a member of the band and they have clinics all summer to assist in marching band prep.)Can she determine that maybe she wants to only go for a couple weeks? She talks on the phone to her father multiple times a day everyday and goes for visitation over Christmas break and her spring break also. I know some of her apprehension comes from the fact that her dad lives with his mom-her grandmother-and that her grandmother is constantly putting myself and her friends down, telling her that I do not spend enough time with her because I recently got a promotion at work and have been coming home later than I used to, telling her that she is hanging around with the wrong crowd just because of the color of her friends' skin(her dads side of the family is very racist). Of course when I look at it from her point of view that I would not want to be around someone that did nothing but critize the life that you enjoy and the friends and family that you love but is that good enough for her to make this decision? When is a teenager considered old enough to decide if she wants to spend time with someone and when she doesn't?

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#771744 - 05/01/16 06:24 PM Re: child visitation in TX [Re: txmom16]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
If she went to Dad's for her next regular visit, and decided she wanted to STAY there, would you swap custody and let her make the decision?

If not, good for you, and also, she needs to go to her Dad's for the summer.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#771745 - 05/03/16 07:54 PM Re: child visitation in TX [Re: gr8Dad]
bum Offline

recently joined

Registered: 03/31/16
Posts: 5
I am in a similar situation though not as drastic. It's hard ... there is a difference between being a child and being a minor. Your daughter is 16 so legally she is still a minor but she's not a child. If I were 16 I would not want to leave my friends, etc for the summer to live with my dad. Can you blame her? I feel for all of you. It's not an easy situation. What does her dad say about all of this? Is he willing to compromise a bit and have her come for part of the time? I know a lot of people on here say you can't let the kids make the decision, and I agree but to a point. Once you have a 15-16-17 year old it's a whole new ball game and I think it's best to at least try to work out a situation where there is some compromise. If you force it, all you have is an angry resentful teenager who doesn't feel supported by either one of her parents. Good luck!

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#771746 - 05/04/16 04:24 PM Re: child visitation in TX [Re: bum]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
What I wonder is if Dad is entitled to the whole summer, and he REDUCES his legally obligated time...how is that a "compromise"? Mom is legally BOUND to have the child there, so Mom is giving up NOTHING.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#771747 - 05/10/16 01:53 PM Re: child visitation in TX [Re: gr8Dad]
bum Offline

recently joined

Registered: 03/31/16
Posts: 5
Mom is giving up nothing. Dad is giving up a lot. And the 16 yo daughter is giving up the most. Kids are not possessions that can be split 50/50. Her feelings should be taken into account here, not what either of the parents are "entitled" to.

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#771748 - 05/22/16 11:16 PM Re: child visitation in TX [Re: bum]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
Seems the 16 year old is getting EXACTLY what she wants, LOL
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#771749 - 06/03/16 03:23 PM Re: child visitation in TX [Re: gr8Dad]
Daisymae830 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 05/31/16
Posts: 3
totally agree mom. Parents should listen to their children. They have feelings. Especially her being 16. Good luck to you guys!

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#771750 - 06/04/16 07:00 AM Re: child visitation in TX [Re: Daisymae830]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
No, parents should PARENT their children.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#771751 - 06/29/16 01:33 AM Re: child visitation in TX [Re: gr8Dad]
txmom16 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 04/30/16
Posts: 2
Update-I made her go for her visitation. she has been crying herself to sleep every night and has been getting harassed by her family there for continuously posting on my facebook page how much she misses me and counting down the days until she comes home. I am worried about her mental health now because if she is crying herself to sleep at night and no one there is even bothering to console her or let her get her feelings out and listen to what she is feeling, is that really a healthy environment for her? she is coming home 2 weeks early because she HAS to go to band camp starting on the 1st of august or she will be kicked out of band but even that every one there, including her dad, keep telling her that everything else is more important than them. I am trying to be supportive by making her go and holding up my part of the agreement, I don't believe in keeping my kids from their dad, I don't bad mouth him, I don't talk about our past and what happened between us, I don't bad mouth anyone in his family, I just lend a supportive ear when my kids want to vent about it. I wish for my kids sakes that their dad's family would play by the same rules. it is like it is a crime that my 16 year old and I are extremely close and she has a hard time away from home but to be made to feel like she is neglecting her other family is just too much in my opinion. my kids aren't stupid and they remember what happened and they understand more and more every year why I decided to more them away from that environment.

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#771752 - 06/29/16 07:28 PM Re: child visitation in TX [Re: txmom16]
MinnesotaMom Offline

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 786
Your job as a parent is to teach her coping skills, as it appears this doesn't have much as a 16 year old. Rather than Facebook, give her a private journal to write her thoughts in.

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