ill start briefly with my story before explaining my situation in depth. before i met my wife i was a typical kid my real dad left when i was young and my mom remarried to the man i called dad for years. he passed away from a long fight wih cancer very shorty after i turned 13. i shut down for 4 months. i was distant to my friends and family. i learned to store my emotions so i wouldnt feel them and i hid it well. my mom started dating 5 months after his death. i know she was trying to cope and it took a toll on her emotionaly. then [censored] hit the fan. he was an alcoholic and a straight up dick. my mom got pregnent and i have a lil bro i love so much. but his dad assulted me when i was defending my mom.then in highschool i joined to army at 17 and juggled work school and training. ultamitly led to me failing some classes and working more to support my mom and brother. i had an accident in training one day and shattered my knee. i was medicaly discharged almost 2 year later. in the time of not serving i began using different drugs and drinking alot to help deal with feeling worhless and the responcable for everything that whent wrong. i met my wife at work one day. she was bent right over and as i turned the corner my jaw droped. she stood right up and looked right at me and just smiled. she just gave birth to her daughter a few weeks befor she started working with me. we instantly conected and not long after i met her daughter and we feel in love. it was like fate brought us together. some days we good others bad.i couldnt really control how i felt in the right situations like when she was sad i didnt really know how to comfort her or angry i just sat there and took the blame even if it wasnt my fault. but we even more in love as time went on. we got married 6months later. we. wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. after a year i started becomeing more distant from my wife. i was never able to tell her how much i loved her or how much she ment to me. instead i constantly thought im the reason shes unhappy. why doesnt she look happy with me. we had so many good times and it felt like we could beat anything. but i never told her how i felt. how i always felt so down worthless the fact i was just so tired of everything. my wife and daughter were the reasons i got out of bed and went to work. my wife and i always worked opposites because of our daughter. we always wanted her to spend alot of time with us even if it had to be at diff times. we still got a day off together every once in awhile. but i was always tired or just didnt want to go out because i didnt want to be around people. i would let my wife go out with friends and i would get angry not with her but myself because i dont have friends. she could tell i was upset but i would never tll her the truth i just said go out hang with ur friends. and at somepoint i just lost it. everyday know was even more of a strugle. i felt like i couldnt do anything right not by her. she always seemed happy with me bc she knew i loved her. i just never said it enough or bought her flowers enough. my wife and i seemed to only talk about how bad work was and couldnt really hold a conversation because i would just shut down again. and i nevef knew why. so one day i [censored] up big. i met this girl at work who actually had common interest wkth me. it was never a romantic or sexual thing she knew i was married and understood that i had no intentions of being anything more then just friends. we started txting a couple times a day then it was a few times a week. but i called her beautiful a few times but it had no emotion behind it just a word. i knew that and she did. i never told my wife i was talking to her bc it didnt really seem to matter. i never deleted messages or tryed to hid anything. if my wife asked who i was talking to i would of told her. instead one night she when througb my phone and only saw the one time i said well good morning beautiful thats all she wanted to see. not that there was nothing going on but just that one word. honostly i do feel like [censored] for talking to this girl and i should of talked to my wife more instead. but at the time i didnt think it was wrong. i then let that pain i caused my wife eat away at me like everything else in my mind. everything iv done wrong by her and everyone else just ate away at me. my wife forgave me and we were good. until a month later. i was truly at my breaking point i was ready to end everything my marraige and my life. i was losing a battle in my mind and body. i broke her heart i told her i wanted a divorce. i thought it was the right thing to do so she wouldnt have to see me like this i was scared because at the time i did not know what was wrong with me. she came back home two weeks later and we were gonna try and fix things but i came home from work crying more then i have ever have. i told her i was afriad of leaving again. she then for the first time told me we should get u help and i turned it down bc i didnt want to believe there was something wrong with me. so she left and told me she wants a divorce. its been a rough month i hit rock bottom again and my mom took me to the hospital. after speaking to a dr and a phycologist i found out i have been suffering from sever major depression and axiety for years. i told my wife that i did not want a divorce and she is not understanding of what im going through. if anything she has made it worse. but i love her this is a marraige worth saving. she believed it 3 weeks ago befor i was diagnose. then she completly shut me out saying
that she actually knows what it feels lke to be happy with out me and she never wanted to marry me or be with me again. im hoping its out of anger for me breaking her heart but know she is seing this guy she went.on a date with him. and we are still married. i want to believe i can get her back. but struggling with what im going through makes it hard not to just give up. we used to say we wod make it through anything because thats true love we wojld always be there no matter how bad it got. it just doesnt make sence to me why she would all of a sudden shut me completly out and treat me like [censored] when i already treat myself that way everyday. i cant tell if shes acting out or if this new friend is whispring to give up on me on us. i just wish she would want to understand y i was like that she says it just an excuse but she truly has no idea. please i need help knowing if i can save my marriage.