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#771935 - 06/08/16 02:33 PM Primary custody through child support
fanceestarr Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/08/16
Posts: 3
My ex has primary custody of our 2 children, ages 15 and 17 which he obtained through the N.C. Child support agency where I reside. He was living in South Dakota at the time. I have just recently found out that he had Primary custody. When I went to court for child support there was no mention of primary custody or any custody or visitation rights mentioned by the judge or my count appointed lawyer on that day. He has changed his phone number and told my children for 4 years now that I want nothing to do with them and has told me that they want nothing to do with me. I like an idiot believed him. I have just recently had my daughter and son sneak and contact me. They have told me so many horror stories and that they were afraid of their dad and told me that they wanted to stay with him because he made them. I have left multiple messages on facebook asking him to have them call me because that is what he said I needed to do if I wanted to talk to them. I haven't received any phone calls from them other than the recent ones. He also moved them from South Dakota to Georgia 1 year ago without telling me and threatened my children not to tell me. My daughter's text states "Don't tell your mother you are in Georgia, she is to close, if she finds out there will be H*ll To pay!" I know that my children are both of legal age to file for a change of custodial parent every 2 years...and it has been 2 years, but they have to go to the courthouse to file and they have no way to get there and they are deathly afraid of their father and stepmother who works at the county sherriff's department. I am afraid for them. I have been told that my son has been suffering from deep depression because he did not want to stay and wanted to come home with me and has tried to commit suicide twice. My daughter told me that her step mother has hit her in the head repeatedly with her pocketbook so hard she bled, that he has told my daughter "You were a mistake an a waste of my oxygen, you should just take one of my guns and shoot yourself" ... and more stories. Can someone tell me, can I go to Georgia and apply for temporary or emergency custody at the courthouse of the county they live in to get them out of there if he only has Primary custody through N.C. Child support? I am pretty sure that I have visitation rights but he has told my daughter that if I ever come there and want to take them for out of the house he was going to come with us. I am and have been afraid of him for a long time. What can I do!!

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#771936 - 06/08/16 02:40 PM Re: Primary custody through child support [Re: fanceestarr]
fanceestarr Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/08/16
Posts: 3
I need to add that my children have told me that they are willing and want to tell the judge what has been going on. I have asked several times if they would be ok with this because it could really really get emotionally staining on them. They said that whatever it took to get away from him and their step mother they were fully ready and willing to do whatever it took.

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#771937 - 06/08/16 06:56 PM Re: Primary custody through child support [Re: fanceestarr]
MinnesotaMom Offline

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 786
It looks like it's been 4 years since you've seen them. This won't play well for you. You can attempt a custody change, but it's not emergency from what you wrote. You will need considerable money (probably $10-$30K if he objects) for an attorney. Your best bet if you want to see the kids is move within a few miles of them and petition the court for some parenting time. You should get every other weekend with a mid week visit pretty much automatically.

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#771938 - 06/09/16 02:51 AM Re: Primary custody through child support [Re: MinnesotaMom]
fanceestarr Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/08/16
Posts: 3
O.K. So I called the county courthouse where I reside to see if their dad filed for custody of any kind and they told me know. I was told that child support and custody were to different things. I then called the courthouse in the county there were living in and there was no custody filed there. Then I called Georgia where they are now and no custody was filed there. So there isn't any court order for custody or visitation. I still have to put in for a custody change if custody was never ordered? I'm sooo confused and I tried to contact him to talk to the children and try and go see them over the course of the 4 years. He blocked his phone and would not return any of the messages that I left on facebook (the only way I knew how to contact him) and I received no reply. They have been living in Georgia for a year and I didn't even know!

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#771939 - 06/28/16 02:48 PM Re: Primary custody through child support [Re: fanceestarr]
mskelly Offline

journeyman

Registered: 05/02/16
Posts: 57
Ok so I am confused? Were you married? If so....What does your divorce decree say about the custody of the children, visitation and child support? You didn't know that there is a difference between child custody and child support? Child support means financial support, as in a person (usually the noncustodial parent) pays a set financial amount of money to the custodial parent for the purpose of financially helping to support the child/children. Child custody can be categorized in different ways (example: physical custodial parent is the one who has the physical custody of the child/children Legal: is who has legal custody, as in who makes all of the decisions regarding the child/children, for instance decisions about education or health issues)Sometimes legal custody can be awarded to someone other than a parent (maybe grandparents or someone appointed by the court)Sometimes physical and legal custody go hand in hand and they are both awarded simultaneously. The determination of who has custody of the children is usually addressed in the divorce decree or separation decree. Yes it can change, but the court has to get involved in that. You need to consult with an attorney. All of this is something that you certainly don't want to try to handle on your own without legal counsel. The Ex cannot legally keep the children from you, unless there is a court order that does restrict your visitation with them, but if that exists I don't understand why you aren't aware of it. If he is withholding the children from you and you from them, then he is in violation of the law and in contempt of court. If he is in contempt and found guilty of that, most times the judge will make him pay your attorney and court costs, but again you need to speak to an attorney for guidance on all of this. If you were married, you can get a copy of your divorce decree from the county courthouse where your divorce was finalized. The children are of the age that they can speak for themselves and that goes a long way toward getting this mess untangled.

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