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#772092 - 07/04/16 03:32 AM Prisoner in own home.
Enough28 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/04/16
Posts: 4
Someone please help. Finally divorcing emotional abusive and alcoholic husband (functional or course, my luck. a chance. He denies problems or that his drinking is an issue for us and our relationship and I know my Daughter has NEVER seen love between us. we had intimacy only few times in past few years,
I asked for church and regular counseling, he went 2x he denied his part in dissolved marriage.
We agreed on separation process and we have been living separate in every sense under same roof still , for 2 yrs now, separate beds, separate finances, just a futile attempt at counseling then mediation , where he got angry and left deciding he'd use his lawyer.
He refuses to move out and he gleefully reminds me he is writing down everything I say, do, or text and I harass him. I purchased my house before marriage. He wants alimony and 50/50 w daughter and 50/50
of my income. I only text and do not have conversations with him because of my daughter around . I desperately want to get away from him and I don't trust the process will move quickly. He won't move out. What can I do. Is it not safe for me to move out now bc its abandonment? We have no custody in place ... And just taking my girl on days we already agreed on having her could been frowned upon? Or my ability to pay for rent somewhere and half mortgage here would show I can "afford" to pay him alimony? I'd do anything to get out and start fresh asap, I told him I'd like to sell house he said I should wait because agreement hasn't been met and living situations haven't been decided. I still feel controlled and stepped on even at this point. Ball is in his court and my attorney can't do anything yet until we get counter, which husband says a lot needs to be changed. Can anyone help me get free legally during this mess? We have been married for 8 years.

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#772093 - 07/05/16 10:37 PM Re: Prisoner in own home. [Re: Enough28]
MinnesotaMom Online   content

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 770
If you make far more than him, you might have to pay alimony. Does he work outside the home or is he a stay at home dad?

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#772094 - 07/06/16 03:41 AM Re: Prisoner in own home. [Re: MinnesotaMom]
Enough28 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/04/16
Posts: 4
No he works, yes I make more

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#772095 - 07/06/16 07:00 AM Re: Prisoner in own home. [Re: Enough28]
TJMH Online   content

enthusiast

Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 339
It sounds like you're still being bullied and controlled by your husband. I don't know Virginia law but it almost certainly doesn't allow for you to be trapped like this.

If I were you I'd find the most aggressive divorce attorney you can find and let him/her deal with your husband and get the divorce process moving. You may not get a perfect result in terms of full custody, property settlement, spousal support, etc. but you'll almost certainly wind up better off than you are now.

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#772096 - 07/06/16 07:12 AM Re: Prisoner in own home. [Re: TJMH]
TJMH Online   content

enthusiast

Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 339
A couple of details that might make you feel better:

If you owned your house prior to marriage, didn't add husband to the title and marital funds have not been used to pay mortgage, it's probably your separate property and he'll have no rights to it. If it's marital property he may have claim to half the value as well as half of any mortgage. If you both have ownership rights and can't agree on equitable division the court may order the house sold.

Alimony, if awarded, will be based on the financial need of the lower earning spouse as well as ability to pay. It almost certainly wouldn't be 50% of your income, and the closer your incomes are the lower spousal support will be.

Custody will be based on the best interests of your daughter. It sounds like you've got a pretty good shot. And the custodial parent will likely be owed child support from the other parent.

If you and your husband can't agree to terms, you take your issues to the court. You each make your arguments and the judge will decide. Neither of you can be held hostage by the other's failure to agree to terms.

Again, you need a good attorney who can tell you how the law and the process work in real life, so you can stop buying into your husband's crazy, abusive notions. The attorney should also be able to advise you how you can physically separate from him without jeopardizing custody.


Edited by TJMH (07/06/16 07:21 AM)

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#772097 - 07/06/16 09:37 PM Re: Prisoner in own home. [Re: Enough28]
MinnesotaMom Online   content

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 770
Does he actively share parenting with you now?

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#772098 - 07/08/16 12:59 AM Re: Prisoner in own home. [Re: MinnesotaMom]
Enough28 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/04/16
Posts: 4
Yes recently he is VERY bent on splitting our time. He is a good dad but seemingly very vindictive. I saw lawyer today. She said "why are you letting him control you?.you need to move get away and sell it!" You guys give good advice 😄

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#772099 - 07/08/16 01:04 AM Re: Prisoner in own home. [Re: Enough28]
Enough28 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/04/16
Posts: 4
Thank you all for responding it's an amazing support for me.

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#772100 - 07/11/16 03:49 AM Re: Prisoner in own home. [Re: Enough28]
TJMH Online   content

enthusiast

Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 339
Normally I don't favor getting really aggressive about divorce, it's much easier (and cheaper) if you can keep the emotional side separate and just deal with the legal part as a business transaction. But in your case it sounds like your husband is trying to run things by his own controlling rules and you don't have the knowledge or energy to resist (my guess would be that this is a recurring theme in your marriage?).

So I think you need someone in your corner with the knowledge and ability to let your husband know you'll be playing by real world rules under which you have rights and protections, not by his imaginary rules.

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