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#772196 - 07/26/16 12:17 PM Divorce Newbie
jerseygiuy Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/26/16
Posts: 1
Hey all.
I wish life was a bowl of cherries instead of the pits. I think the time has come to end 17 years of marriage. I just don't know where to begin, or even bring up the subject. The whole idea of ending it scares me, but I'm just not happy any more. Mostly at this point, I'm staying because of finances. Every single thing is joint, and I have no idea what to do. I don't want to come across as the evil spouse, but it will happen. Times were great for the first 8 or 9 years, and then things happened to slowly pick away at the love and enjoyment that we used to share. She thinks everything is fine. But its not.
All the help in the world would be great right now...

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#772197 - 07/26/16 01:03 PM Re: Divorce Newbie [Re: jerseygiuy]
mskelly Offline

journeyman

Registered: 05/02/16
Posts: 57
Ok I am a child of divorced parents and I have been divorced myself (with children). Be honest, [censored] and kind. Make sure you are explaining things to her in a way that is not unkind or pointing fingers. Make sure you are mindful of the fact that she is going to be very hurt, confused and emotional. Don't expect her to say oh it's ok.... I understand (that's not going to happen). I say be [censored], because if this is really how you feel and you truly feel like it is OVER..... Then you'll need to be able to hold [censored] on your decision, because any tiny amount of hope that you project will only make it harder on her. You both need to also be very mindful of the children and their emotions and what they will be seeing and hearing through this. The best piece of advice I can give ANYONE with children in a divorce situation is this..... DO NOT bash the other parent to the children, DO NOT talk negative about the other parent, DO NOT plant any seeds of negativity with the children about the other parent. It WILL only cause resentment and anger from the children down the road! Trust me 35 years from now your children WILL remember things that were said and done regarding the divorce dynamic of their parents. Good luck and just know that this is not going to be easy for anyone involved.

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#772198 - 07/26/16 01:12 PM Re: Divorce Newbie [Re: mskelly]
mskelly Offline

journeyman

Registered: 05/02/16
Posts: 57
I am not certain why it censored the word f i r m

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#772199 - 07/30/16 04:03 PM Re: Divorce Newbie [Re: jerseygiuy]
MarkSGuralnick1 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/30/16
Posts: 1
Staying together for the finances is a very destructive way to protract a dead marriage. And unfortunately time and money only conspire to make the situation worse. There are methods to "divide and conquer" gracefully without killing yourself financially or emotionally. I'm happy to walk you through it. I'm a divorce attorney, here to help you whenever you're ready to talk...no pressure, no charge to chat on the phone or by email. I practice throughout New Jersey. Reach out whenever you're ready. Visit me at NationalDivorce.com. [email protected] (201)804-9000 (732)342-9292 (856)983-9900.

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#772200 - 07/30/16 11:37 PM Re: Divorce Newbie [Re: MarkSGuralnick1]
TJMH Online   content

enthusiast

Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 347
If it were me in your situation (and I have been), I'd want to try some form of marriage counseling to see if you can recapture at least a tolerable marriage relationship. It's at least worth a try, will save you both a lot of angst and money if you can figure out how to stay happily married.

It's possible that things are irretrievable, but it also sounds possible that you're in something of a midlife crisis, especially since it sounds like your wife is not in the same place re divorce.


Edited by TJMH (07/30/16 11:39 PM)

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