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#772202 - 07/27/16 03:07 AM Very new
ScaredAndAlone Offline

newbie

Registered: 07/27/16
Posts: 25
Very new to this. Literally just retained a lawyer today.
A few months ago when my wife and I agreed to separate, everything was rather amicable. We even still watched TV together. We both accepted that neither of us was being fulfilled by the marriage.
Then - this past weekend - I find a 'contract' between her, a friend of mine of 20 years, and his wife. This contract was a threeway relationship agreement. This agreememt includes regular 'family' dinners (including MY kids!!! And some to take place at my residence) as well as rules for physical contact in front of MY kids between my friend and my wife... Rules for sex... Rules for dating... And requiring my friend to attend addiction treatment...The agreement was dated two weeks ago.

I was shaken to my core.

She does not yet know I am aware of this agreement. I printed the email and gave it to my lawyer.

I immediately moved all of the $$ from joint accounts to my name only. Changed all of my passwords, too. She is FURIOUS! I've gotten a recording device now to record conversations between us. I am maintaining my composure.

I refuse to leave the house where my kids are (house is in both names). And after they go to bed, I retreat to the guest room to avoid my wife.

I guess what I am looking for is any advice for what you guys might have done or how you coped with these long, dark, quiet nights

Thanks for the ears
Joint acct

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#772203 - 07/27/16 11:36 AM Re: Very new [Re: ScaredAndAlone]
MinnesotaMom Online   content

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 791
I understand your emotional reaction, but the courts don't care much about morality. What your ex is doing (or about to do) will give you no leverage in divorce/custody proceedings. Beyond that, what you are doing is the correct stance to protect resources, maintain time with the kids (is 50/50 your goal?), and to protect yourself from false accusations.

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#772204 - 07/27/16 03:47 PM Re: Very new [Re: MinnesotaMom]
ScaredAndAlone Offline

newbie

Registered: 07/27/16
Posts: 25
I totally understand and accept she is an adult who can chose to adult things with any other number of adults she chooses. As hurt as I am, I take no issue with that on a legal basis. However, when my kids are included in 'family' dinners, and repeatedly brought around an 'addict' it is totally unacceptable. Leave THEM out of it. It is apparent that my children are NOT her primary concern.

I would love to have sole residential custody. The children are not vaccinated. Further, they are homeschooled and are far behind. I was on board for delayed vaxx. I was on board for home school for kindergarten, etc.. but this was when the plan was for her to go back to work at the school she taught at before we had kids. Our children would've gone for GREATLY reduced tuition (private school). After we separated, she interviewed, got a job offer, and turned it down. Again, she is not thinking of the kids.

My original post wasn't looking for legal advice, though. Moral support really. I don't have anyone in my life in a similar situation. Very supportive sympathetic people, yes. But no one who has been through it.

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#772205 - 07/27/16 03:50 PM Re: Very new [Re: ScaredAndAlone]
ScaredAndAlone Offline

newbie

Registered: 07/27/16
Posts: 25
Sorry... was typing on my phone last night... don't know why 'joint acct' shows up there... its just me

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#772206 - 07/28/16 05:00 PM Re: Very new [Re: ScaredAndAlone]
MinnesotaMom Online   content

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 791
How to cope? Exercise, in particular cardio, and lots of it. Nothing burns stress/frustration better.

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