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#772280 - 08/18/16 01:10 AM Re: Difficult visitations [Re: enyawb31]
SRS Offline

Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 2585
We scuffled a bit but somehow he managed to keep it.

WTH are you thinking? You scuffled with your child over a cell phone. Let him keep it. Do your thing with the kids. Who cares?

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#772281 - 08/18/16 01:44 PM Re: Difficult visitations [Re: SRS]
enyawb31 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/05/16
Posts: 5
Im assuming you did not read my entire post. Its not about him having access to a phone. Its about limiting the influence the ex has over them while they are with me. She doesn't need to know real time whether I bought a washing machine or what we are doing at any given time. She doesn't need to be texting him telling him to take advantage of me, to watch to make sure I don't drug my daughters! When they go back to that awful person Sunday night I don't give a ats rass what they tell her. I am not keeping secrets. I am trying to build relationships with my children 2 days out of every 14. I cant do that when she is encouraging my kids to help the youngest throw fits to be returned to their mom. Luckily they never do throw fits. They have a wonderful time.

But hey, thanks for your not helpful input.

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#772282 - 08/18/16 09:10 PM Re: Difficult visitations [Re: enyawb31]
SRS Offline

Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 2585
But, hey. If it isn't about the phone, why'd ya scuffle with your kid? Obviously it is.

Do the best you can when you have your kids. Don't worry about the other parent. Don't invest more time reading your sons text messages from his Mom. Spend that time showing your kids that you are a decent person. Kids are smarter than you may realize.

Also make sure you make time to attend as many of their sports events, school events, and extra curriculars as possible. I don't recommend taking any gfs with you to distract from you being there. Do this especially when you don't have them. That means a lot to kids.

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#772283 - 08/23/16 04:19 PM Re: Difficult visitations [Re: SRS]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
Okay, you are WRONG here. The ex is using the phone to EMOTIONALLY abuse the child. It needs to be removed.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#772284 - 08/23/16 06:49 PM Re: Difficult visitations [Re: gr8Dad]
oldsmom Offline

member

Registered: 06/08/15
Posts: 100
I agree with gr8Dad. This is absolutely a form of abuse. And we have been in these shoes, so I can really relate to the poster.

enyawb31, get the texts off that phone as evidence, and haul your ex to court. What she is doing is very unacceptable. You can legally ban her cell phone, and limit her exposure to the kids during the visitations. Also, you may want to time limit their calls to her from the sounds of it.

Back before we had the cell phone issue, we had to actually remove the cordless phones from our house, and change to a corded phone in our kitchen only. Otherwise, the biomom would tell the kids to take the cordless phone to their rooms, and then try to work them up into causing trouble.

Also, I would recommend buying cell phone for Dylan while he is at your house. One you are able to manage. You can set it up so there are time limits, and other forms of controls. And if he does text her, you can use those texts as a way to hold her accountable. Last, it will keep your son from becoming super rebellious. Kids at his age become a bit crazy when it comes to cell phones.

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#772285 - 08/26/16 02:00 AM Re: Difficult visitations [Re: oldsmom]
SRS Offline

Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 2585
My kids take their phones to Dad's. Not a big deal. He used to hide his cell phone and they had no way to call anyone. So, I got them a cell phone. I don't track the kids, I don't call them. It gave them a sense of security to know they weren't completely without anyone after he and the gf locked them in the basement.

Be the bigger parent. Do you go to their school events? or do you have excuses? Be an involved parent. Kids are smart. They know who is the better parent.

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#772286 - 09/06/16 04:22 PM Re: Difficult visitations [Re: SRS]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
Did you READ the texts she is sending them? ENCOURAGING bad behavior?
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#772287 - 09/07/16 05:19 PM Re: Difficult visitations [Re: gr8Dad]
enyawb31 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/05/16
Posts: 5
Thank you for all your replies. I want to be clear that I am in no way preventing the kids from contacting their mother. I have certainly noticed an improvement in behaviour over the last few weekends together since I have not allowed him to keep it. I tell them that if they want to call their mother any time they can and in the evenings I call her my self and let all the kids talk to her. SRS, I understand your point but I am not preventing them from communicating. And unfortunately they are home schooled with very little 'events'. My ex is a very scary person. She has it in her head that the kids, especially the girls, are crying for her and wanting to go home 24/7 while they are with me. They are not. They have a great time. I talk to them as I take them to drop them off about what we did over the weekend and reiterate all the good stuff as well as address any bad stuff. So hopefully this will get a little easier as time goes :)

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