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#772519 - 09/15/16 03:03 PM Tricky situation...need honest advise please
lynn1996 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 1
I share legal joint custody of my 15 year old son with my ex-husband. Last fall my son then 14 took my husband's car without permission for a "joy ride" with friends and caused over 2 thousand dollars in damages. When we found out both my husband, me and my son got into a huge fight. My son ran out of the house and had a friend bring him back to his dad's house.

Its been over 10 months now and my son refused to come back because he now hates my husband(they never got along great)and he knows we expect him to still help pay for the damages to the car. I've talked to My ex-husband who my son is living with and he thinks if my husband and I start fresh with my son and forget punishing he for what he did my son will come back. I've talked to my son's therapist also and he feels we need to help my son rather than punish him. My son is having a hard time with behavior in school and grades and the therapist feels we need to concentrate on helping him in school rather than punishing him for something he did almost a year ago as that may make him rebel even more.
What do you guys think? Should we forget about punishing him just so he comes back?

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#772520 - 09/15/16 10:59 PM Re: Tricky situation...need honest advise please [Re: lynn1996]
MinnesotaMom Online   content

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 786
I would want a payment plan set up to get paid for the damages. No other words or punishment is needed. The repayment should be an expectation.

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#772521 - 09/16/16 11:01 AM Re: Tricky situation...need honest advise please [Re: MinnesotaMom]
Annie7676 Offline
old hand

Registered: 06/05/05
Posts: 933
Loc: NY
If the situation with your son and your husband isn't resolved then your relationship with your son is affected as he will not want to visit you as long as your husband who he hates as you say is there. I have a similar situation.

Your son is most likely angry for being held to task, especially since your husband is not his father. Reaching out to mend the relationship is probably the best approach as your therapist says, maybe sessions with all three of you together might help. A good therapist can help lead you to the right decision. If your son can be reached and he decides what his consequences are for what he did maybe it will work better. But probably the first step is to mend the bridge between him and your husband.

If not, its broken. My adult son lived with me for a period of time and would lash out at me in anger, cursing saying f..... you. When my partner moved in who tried to blend in which was hard but he tried and heard my son cursing me he spoke to him nicely about it.....didn't work ....son cursed me out again ...my partner lost his temper and told him to get out. In some peoples world disrespecting your mom is not accepted....my son moved out (which turned out to be the best for him in the long run) but he has never forgiven my partner and as a result our relationship is broken. He will not come over, not visit and have any family events. He refuses to forgive for a man holding him accountable for his actions. That is something your son should realize, accountability for his actions.. Hopefully this will work out and have a positive outcome. Good luck.

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