I ended up here, because I'm trying to figure out where to go. My wife and I have never been that perfect couple - it's always been pretty rocky, but this past year we've hit a breaking point. Back in February we split up (stayed living together and co-parenting; we got back together briefly without talking about why, split up again in July. I got the ball rolling on marriage counseling, but she dropped out. We support each other a lot in daily life and we both help with the kids, but we're not sleeping together.
Even so, we've had some pretty bad fights over really banal stuff: she completely lost it when I bought the wrong yogurt, I get annoyed when she tells me how to do whatever it is I'm doing (mowing the lawn or something). But this is run of the mill for us and probably for lots of people. What I can't get past is that in these fights she resorts to insults: stupid, autistic, narcissistic, etc. The best I can do at those moments is stay silent. Also, her attitude seems to be that whatever problems are between us, it's my fault and I need to fix it and ask her to come back after I've fixed my psychological problems. (I don't think I have psychological problems). All this just makes me feel like she's trying to humiliate me or it's some sort of power play. So again, I mostly just stay silent because I can't think of any constructive way to respond to it. The only thing I've been consistently telling her is that it can't be all up to me. We have to work together.
So I don't know... things have been ok for a couple of weeks (though after these months, I'm frankly tired of sleeping alone) but that might just be because we're both busy at work. We haven't been seeing each other all that much.
I don't want to get used to this situation. I want to move on one way or another, but when I think about actually signing papers to get divorced it makes me really upset, because I love her.
I'm trying be creative about the situation, because I think the children need both of us supporting them. Does it ever work out that a couple gets divorced, but remains living together? That's almost what we have now, except it's not official. I think I could maybe live with it.