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#772944 - 01/21/17 01:23 PM Relocating and dad requesting more involvement
DMmom Offline
recently joined

Registered: 01/21/17
Posts: 3
My current husband job is relocating out of state. After much deliberation, we feel moving is the best for our family. When we heard about the relocation, my oldest's father initially told me there was no way he would allow her to move.

After seeing a lawyer, it turned out there was no shared parenting plan. The divorce papers listed me as the residential parent and he gets reasonable visitation. We filed our notice to relocate in October/November. He has not filed any motions to adjust visitation. We don't plan to move u til June when school is over.

We tried again to be compromising and never even brought up to him that there is no shared parenting plan. He asked for a meeting to discuss terms of our move. We met with him and they presented a very one sided agreement that put all financial responsibilities on us saying that we were the ones deciding to move and should take on all the fees. They also tried to sneak things into the paper to create a shared parenting plan. Some requests were a bit much like how I had to pay for a cell phone, that child support would never be revisited (it's been 7 years and I never had it reevaluated); we would pay for all her braces when they were the ones who asked her to get them now.

We present them back with the standard court agreement that splits things equally.

My main concern is that now he is suddenly requesting her more days. My lawyer says to allow this as it shows I am accommodating when he requests time with her. However I feel he has some alternative motive. I don't understand why he is suddenly asking for this when he didn't care before. He also is trying to suddenly attend doctor visits and school meetings when he has never done so before. At times when his wife has come to meetings or appointments, she takes over the sessions with what she thinks and is verY controlling.

I understand that our daughter moving is difficult for him and all of us. He also doesn't support her and instead tells her how cold it is there, etc. I have tried to consider if I'm just being defensive or ridiculous, but something in my gut tells me his sudden increase in involvement is to make himself look better if he files in court.

It's very difficult to talk to him. He takes everything offensively when I'm merely trying to include him as he requested. For example my lawyer sent a nice note with the papers saying he hope we could all work together to come up with an agreement and my ex took that gesture as a threat.

We are under a lot of stress and o try to just not engage and only talk to her dad when necessary. Should I be concerned about his sudden desire to be involved or just relax and be glad he is spending time with her before we move?

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#772947 - 01/22/17 05:20 AM Re: Relocating and dad requesting more involvement [Re: DMmom]
MinnesotaMom Offline

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 786
Most states do not allow children to be moved away unless the other parent is all but non-existent (CA is an exception). All states require the parent moving the child to pick up all transportation expenses related to the other parent seeing the child. His parenting time that is court ordered must be maintained. Thus, if he has been granted every other weekend, that 48 days minimum per year, which means the child will typically spend some holidays and a large chunk in the summer. It usually ends up being 3-4 plane flights you have to pick up per year.

You are actually very lucky he has not contested the move. Typically, you must hand over custody if you move any significant distance.

Giving extra days should not play any bearing. The court order is what's used except in rare circumstances. As for doctor and teacher visits, he has the same rights as you if he has shared legal custody, which is usually typical.


Edited by MinnesotaMom (01/22/17 05:32 AM)

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#772949 - 01/22/17 12:19 PM Re: Relocating and dad requesting more involvement [Re: DMmom]
DMmom Offline
recently joined

Registered: 01/21/17
Posts: 3
This is where I'm confused. My lawyer says after looking at our divorce papers that he cannot contest me moving. He said all he can do is file a motion to request visitation is modified to ensure he gets the time he wants. There is nothing in our papers that states exactly how much visitation he gets. Also, I was told unless I signed a release he didn't have immediate access to her medical records. (This is also how things work for parents at my place of employment.) For example, there was an incident where I took her to counseling and her counselor shared information with dad she had no legal right to because we do not have a shared parenting plan.
The standard court document offered in our county splits the fees of transportation although I know sometimes the responsibility is all put on the one moving. Thanks!


Edited by DMmom (01/22/17 12:21 PM)

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#772952 - 01/22/17 07:47 PM Re: Relocating and dad requesting more involvement [Re: DMmom]
Goodmom Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/17/07
Posts: 2202
You may or may not prevail in a move away. But if you do, you should be the one who pays for all of the added travel costs as your ex is right, you are the one creating the distance, you should be the one who pays the added cost.


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#772953 - 01/22/17 08:02 PM Re: Relocating and dad requesting more involvement [Re: DMmom]
MinnesotaMom Offline

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 786
What state are you in now and what state are you moving to?


Edited by MinnesotaMom (01/22/17 08:02 PM)

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#772954 - 01/22/17 10:04 PM Re: Relocating and dad requesting more involvement [Re: DMmom]
DMmom Offline
recently joined

Registered: 01/21/17
Posts: 3
Ohio to Colorado.

I'm not concerned about being able to move.. I just feel uneasy about his sudden request to spend more time and be more involved. I don't know if his motives are really about spending time with his child or to get something out of court by doing it.

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#772963 - 01/29/17 12:58 PM Re: Relocating and dad requesting more involvement [Re: DMmom]
SRS Offline

Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 2585
I moved away.

I pay for all trips for the kids to see their Dad. I voluntarily pay for cell phones for the kids so they can keep in touch with him. This is not unreasonable.

If he chooses to access the kids medical or school records - why not? She is his child, after all.

When the kids Dad wants to see them, I take them to him by train. If he wanted them all summer, he could have them. If he wanted them on holidays, I'd take them to see him.

You need everything written out explicitly. It is a possibility that he won't allow your daughter to move. Be prepared.

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