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#1995 - 08/27/04 06:43 PM Please tell me this gets better...
purplehaze Offline
recently joined

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2
I am new to all this. Divorce was completely unexpected. We've been together 3 years and only married 5 weeks. Unfortunately, my "husband" is a criminal who lead a whole nother life I didn't know about and he will be going away for a long time (prison).
We have just started the divorce proceedings and I don't expect them to be contested seeing as he is under house arrest.

I am sad and lonely and really at a loss for what to do with myself. I just am looking for a little support. I never dreamed that when I said "I DO" last month it would end this way or this soon.

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#1996 - 08/28/04 05:55 PM Re: Please tell me this gets better... [Re: purplehaze]
Gecko Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 20602
Loc: Third rock from the sun
You shouldn't be filing for divorce. An annulment is more appropriate.

I don't understand, how can you be with someone for three years and not know they have a [current] criminal history?
_________________________
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!

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#1997 - 08/28/04 07:32 PM Re: Please tell me this gets better... [Re: Gecko]
purplehaze Offline
recently joined

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2
I never would have married him had I known. He did a bang up job keeping it all a secret...he had us all snowed.
My attorney is looking into anullment as an option.

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#1998 - 08/28/04 09:46 PM Re: Please tell me this gets better... [Re: purplehaze]
Grace Offline
addict

Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 404
Loc: KY
It is hard to imagine that someone could "hide" who they are for 3 years. . .but then again, I married a guy that was completely different from the guy I dated for 3 years. He wasn't a criminal, at least not seriously (is poaching deer serious? :), but he hid his dark side very well.
Look at it this way, be thankful that you are able to avoid a very heart-wrenching future with a criminal. If you don't have children together, be EXTREMELY thankful.
I know the shock is a bit to deal with, but it WILL get better.
I've always heard about the so-called rule. . .give yourself a month of grieving for every year of the relationship. It took a bit more for me and my 13 year relationship, but not too mcuh.
For those with kids, the rule should really say. . . give yourself 1 month of grieving for very year or the relationship and 6 months of grieving for every child involved.
Good luck to you. As I said, count your blessings, give it some time, and move on.
_________________________
Dyslexic agnostics don't believe in Dog.

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#1999 - 08/29/04 03:39 AM Re: Please tell me this gets better... [Re: Grace]
Diane67 Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 08/14/04
Posts: 341
Loc: California
So 2 kids and 17 years takes approximately 2 1/2 years. My son will be graduated from HS. My daughter will have been in college for a year. Good to know the time frame.

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#2000 - 08/29/04 03:50 AM Re: Please tell me this gets better... [Re: Diane67]
Grace Offline
addict

Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 404
Loc: KY
You know, I think it was actually Dr. Phil that came up with 'the rule', back before he had his own show and was still just visiting Oprah from time to time. This 'rule' is how he estimated how much time it took to 'get over' a failed relationship. The time frame was pretty close for me. . .I don't know about anyone else. But, when I was going through the worst of it, I hung onto Dr. Phil's rule and counted the days, at for a while. Silly, I know, but it did help to have a goal or a so-called 'light at the end of the tunel'.
_________________________
Dyslexic agnostics don't believe in Dog.

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#2001 - 08/29/04 04:01 AM Re: Please tell me this gets better... [Re: Grace]
Diane67 Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 08/14/04
Posts: 341
Loc: California
Thanks again for the info. I am counting the days. My son just began 10th grade.

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#2002 - 09/04/04 04:46 PM Re: Please tell me this gets better... [Re: Grace]
Onyx Offline
old hand

Registered: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
I never knew about this rule... we were married for 5 years, together for one year before marriage.... and he left back in Oct. I had healed completely over the relationship approx in April..... the other stuff was unavoidable, the court dates, etc. Cool guage! Blessings, Sue
_________________________
"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"

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#772845 - 12/21/16 07:05 AM Re: Please tell me this gets better... [Re: Diane67]
23yrsOhell Offline
recently joined

Registered: 12/16/16
Posts: 3
:)

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#773137 - 03/27/17 07:09 AM Re: Please tell me this gets better... [Re: purplehaze]
LouiseB Offline
recently joined

Registered: 03/27/17
Posts: 2
Hi - I'm sorry to hear that you were conned by this guy. I'm sure with the happiness of the wedding so close it must be a shock to find yourself alone again. Try not to dwell on him any longer. You are not to blame and not a victim. Try to pick yourself up as soon as you can. If you have lonely, sad, 'victim' thoughts, observe them, acknowledge them and then set them aside. Don't give them any energy or credence. Spend time planning your next move. Think of all the wonderful things you are and could do with this gift of life. Don't waste time.


Edited by LouiseB (03/27/17 07:09 AM)

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