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#772021 - 06/16/16 02:49 PM Question - I'd like your opinion
bacall Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 279
Hi everyone - I have a question for anyone on the board who has navigated divorce and gotten past the initial hurt and pain. How successful have you been at being "okay" at family gatherings with your ex-spouse and their new partner? I am continually faced with this dilemma. I have gotten pretty good at pretending all is well, but inside, each time, a little part of me breaks apart. I think I'm doing the "right" thing - these events always involve my children and grandchildren - we have no other contact in any way whatsoever. Just wanted to know how others felt about this. Thanks in advance for your opinions and wise advice!
Take care all.

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#772022 - 07/08/16 12:37 PM Re: Question - I'd like your opinion [Re: bacall]
Overhaul1 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/05/16
Posts: 9
Hi, so on my end I have very little contact with my ex-wife, and kind of dread the day of my sons graduation a in a year as this will be the first time since our last court date over a year ago! On my wife's side we get together at least twice a year for my step-daughters birthdays. It's a little awkward, especially sense I know the horror that she went through with him, but we get it done for the girls. I think this is the most important part of this situation. The girls are very very happy, and can come to any four of their parents and know that we all get along. Do it for the kids, they will not forget it.


Edited by Overhaul1 (07/08/16 03:15 PM)

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#772023 - 07/09/16 07:19 AM Re: Question - I'd like your opinion [Re: Overhaul1]
93Lowrider Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 9
The way you are feeling is normal and yes those situations
Can be and are AWKWARD. Pat yourself on the back for doing the
Right thing.

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#772024 - 09/22/16 10:00 PM Re: Question - I'd like your opinion [Re: 93Lowrider]
Karen1 Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 1802
Loc: Ohio
Just recently starting having contact with my EX. He left in 2002 and still with the same woman he moved in with when he left. Other than our son's wedding in 2005 I had no contact with him until our grandson was born in 2014. SInce then I have attended events with son, his son and girlfriend and my ex and his girl friend. The first was actually when his girlfriend sent me a text and asked if I wanted to go to Breakfast with Santa, said EX had to work and couldn't go and as they had Theo(grandson) she thought I might want to go along with she and Theo. i went, she picked me up. We were there quite a while waiting on our pics and it went OK. But I am well over him and this was 12 years after we split. Might help that I know have someone special in my life. You know me Bacall, we chatted a lot on here a lot back in the day along with Lynn Feiry (think that is her last name) Left you a private message with my email if you want to contact. I think of you often and wonder how you doing.
_________________________
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".

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#773138 - 03/27/17 07:15 AM Re: Question - I'd like your opinion [Re: bacall]
LouiseB Offline
recently joined

Registered: 03/27/17
Posts: 2
I have to say I avoid anything like this. My ex would just love to be the grand patriarch, sitting at the end of the big table with his tart on one side and me on the other and all the patchwork family around him, like he did something good. Can't do it. Won't do it. I won't let him think that what he did was right and that we can be civilised.

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#773139 - 03/28/17 01:19 AM Re: Question - I'd like your opinion [Re: LouiseB]
FrancoStacy Offline
newbie

Registered: 03/28/17
Posts: 26
LouiseB....I feel the same, my x wife would love to think that somehow what she did was actually good for all of us. Its not that I dont want to be civilized, well actually I could care less but because of the kids, its better to be. I have to admit that it urks me when somehow my x try's to portray all this as a good thing and that I will never participate in.

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#773440 - 05/14/17 10:06 PM Re: Question - I'd like your opinion [Re: bacall]
lifewithdivorce Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/06/17
Posts: 8
Loc: North Carolina
Bacall...

As 93Lowrider stated, you can be proud of yourself for even going there. That can be a very hard situation to deal with. My ex just recently has a new partner and introduced them to the kids, and she seems to feel the need to let me know about it every opportunity. We haven't had any family gatherings yet, but I let her know I was happy for her even though inside I realize that this person might have a major impact on my kids and that brought up some emotions.

How have I decided to deal with it ultimately?

To Let it go, and keep trucking. I will only focus on the kids, and every time I see them in the future, whether her new partner is there or not, I'll let the kids know it's about them.

I realize in my own situation that since I have no say in who she partners with (unless they harm or negatively influence my kids in some way and I can prove it), it's pointless to let emotions creep up and affect me when it comes to her. But when you focus on the kids and make it about them, it will accomplish two things:

1) You can occupy yourself with something that's positive
2) Your kids will appreciate you for it one day.

Your emotionally situation is about the long-term end result, which is about the kids.

Good luck. I know it's hard sometimes, but you'll feel better about yourself in the end.
_________________________
Life with Divorce: http://www.lifewithdivorce.com

A personal blog dedicated to sharing my experiences, lessons learned, and advice on navigating through life after separation and divorce.

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