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#773591 - 05/21/17 03:10 AM New partner and ex wife
Arye23 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/21/17
Posts: 4
I have been dating a woman following my divorce. I have kids and get along with my ex. I've been separated over a year and final for over 6 months now. This new person in my life insists that I tell her every time that I interact with my ex about the kids. Says that I am "hiding" if I don't run and tell her every little detail of conversation I have with my ex about our kids. Also, that I can't make arrangements for extra time with my kids (I'm not residential) if I do not discuss it with her first. Am I being inconsiderate to think that I should be able to interact with my ex about the kids and that I should be free to get extra time with my kids when I can, without having to run and tell about every conversation or clear extra visitation time through the new girlfriend?

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#773592 - 05/21/17 09:55 PM Re: New partner and ex wife [Re: Arye23]
matilda Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 2137
She sounds super insecure. You are right about the running part, but you should be running away from her and not toward her. She sounds very controlling. You need to put your kids first because otherwise you will miss out on some special memories. The fact that you are asking this question means that you already know the answer and are looking for validation. Please pick your kids.

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#773593 - 05/21/17 10:22 PM Re: New partner and ex wife [Re: Arye23]
TJMH Online   content

enthusiast

Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 347
It does sound like she's very insecure, but we've really only got your side of the story.

If she's just a girlfriend, then you should decide if her behavior is something you want to put up with or not. It likely won't get better as the relationship proceeds. If it's a problem, consider ending the relationship gracefully so you can both move on to someone more compatible.

If it's a relationship you want to continue and invest in, it might be worth seeing a counselor to air both sides of the story and see what a neutral observer has to say.

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#773594 - 05/22/17 11:29 AM Re: New partner and ex wife [Re: Arye23]
Arye23 Offline
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Registered: 05/21/17
Posts: 4
I'm not a saint by any stretch and there is some backstory to our relationship. I have been in counseling personally laying all of my skeletons out there, and a neutral observer with all of the back knowledge says it's out of line too. I wasn't exactly looking for validation, but moreso "is this a normal behavior or expectation". I was with my ex wife from the time I was 19 until 35 so this is my first true foray into dating, and have no idea what to expect. Thanks!

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#773596 - 05/22/17 03:21 PM Re: New partner and ex wife [Re: Arye23]
TJMH Online   content

enthusiast

Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 347
I wasn't trying to cast aspersions, it's just that everyone has their own view of their story and sometimes don't even recognize the other side.

But it sounds like your girlfriend doesn't trust you to behave appropriately around your ex and/or resents you making your kids a priority. Neither of those is a sign of a healthy relationship for a divorced parent.

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#773597 - 05/22/17 05:55 PM Re: New partner and ex wife [Re: Arye23]
Arye23 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/21/17
Posts: 4
No negativity taken. Definitely two sides to every issue. I do think there are control issues present. And you're right, neither of those are good for a divorced parent. For the parent or the kids. Ugh. Adulting is hard...

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#773621 - 05/28/17 05:33 PM Re: New partner and ex wife [Re: Arye23]
lifewithdivorce Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/06/17
Posts: 8
Loc: North Carolina
I agree with the other comments. She sounds quite insecure, and it doesn't sound like this issue is going to go away anytime soon. If you really like her though, I can see your dilemma. It might not be as easy as just throwing it away.

Woman easily get jealous over the ex wife. When I found someone after the separation that I decided to commit to, I went through a somewhat similar issue, although the details are different. She was reluctant to get too close to me because she feared I would go back with the ex. It took me a long time to realize why the barrier was up. The only way I solved this was by showing my new partner how happy I was that the ex had found a relationship she was happy with. We also all had dinner together (with the new girlfriend) to talk about the kids, and the new girlfriend saw how business-like the arrangements were going to be in the future. Not sure this would be the best action on your part. But you're definitely going to have to confront the real reason for insecurities so that you can have the relationship with your kids that they need. I would say put the kids first no matter what, and let her know firmly that it's always going to be that way. Then reassure her that you are dedicated to her, not your ex. If that doesn't work, you might want to find someone more mature. In the end, she's going to have to respect your kids and the relationship you have with them.

This might not be the case, but is it possible she has an issue with the kids as well? Just something to think about.
_________________________
Life with Divorce: http://www.lifewithdivorce.com

A personal blog dedicated to sharing my experiences, lessons learned, and advice on navigating through life after separation and divorce.

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#773909 - 09/07/17 08:51 AM Re: New partner and ex wife [Re: Arye23]
Ram Shrama Offline
recently joined

Registered: 09/07/17
Posts: 2
Loc: India
If You are dating with someone you should contact with me. you are going to start a new relationship so for happy married life you should match both planets, birth chart.

I am here to help you to remove your hurdles in life. I will be using the analysis based on your birth chart and the transitory nature of planets which in turn affect our life and various areas of life.
_________________________
I am Astrologer, vedic chart reader, tarot reader, Birth Chart Analyser. I shall guide you in love, career, business, job, marriage and health issues.

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#773955 - 09/22/17 02:32 PM Re: New partner and ex wife [Re: Arye23]
Arye23 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/21/17
Posts: 4
Well quick update here...same woman:
"Won't be with you permanently if I think you're paying too much child support"

Hung up on me when I said I was going to go inside my ex's house to pick up two kids (aged 5 and 3) after the 5 year olds first day of school.

Hyperventilated when I said I may ride to a doctor appointment with my ex wife for my daughter (not a checkup either, an appointment with an immunologist 2.5 hours away for severe food and environmental allergies).

Any thoughts??

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#773956 - 09/23/17 05:22 AM Re: New partner and ex wife [Re: Arye23]
TJMH Online   content

enthusiast

Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 347
Yeah - sounds like trouble that isn't going to change. If it were me I'd drop her. Politely if possible, but definitely drop.

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