I've recently married again but that marriage is on life support because I find myself slipping into a pattern over and over of worrying about my ex's emotions and directly or indirectly putting myself (or being about to put myself), my wife, or my family second for fear of what might happen.

The first marriage was 10 years (in the home, plus another two separated) and during that time my ex had serious mental health issues, rapid cycling bipolar and borderline. I fell into the pattern of waving the white flag on almost all conflict to protect the children from it escalating, as my ex didn't really care what they internalized.

That flag waving tendency has been on display in my current marriage in spite of a very advantageous legal position (arrived at through two PFAs). I need serious help and my current therapist is way too congratulatory of my survival skills to-date. I need new ones to keep my new family intact.

What's helped folks who've gotten away from this shit yet still find themselves operating on fear? What made the difference?