Very in the weeds here, so please forgive my wordiness. I live in North Carolina, was married in 2001, been here ever since.

STBX developed a worsening history of substantial alcohol abuse which caused him to not work (too drunk), cost a ton in rehab and living expenses, and eventually led to [b]two [/b]extramarital affairs. During the second of these, he moved directly from our home into hers, while claiming to be homeless and living out of his pickup truck. (This all took place at the same time that my mother was murdered, and his excuse was "he couldn't handle the stress")

The only piece of marital property at stake is an SUV which was loaned and titled in both our names. He says he wants it refinanced in my name only and he wants nothing to do with the car (his girlfriend lets him drive her "other" BMW). There are no children, home is a rental, all CC debt is in my name since he wasn't working and I took out cards to support him.

I don't want to go after him for marital debt, since he's already said they can put him in jail but he won't pay a dime of it. He works 15 hours a week at a minimum wage job to keep his earnings low (and thus try for alimony, which won't work in NC since his affairs were documented).

All I want is for him to leave the car loan alone and let me pay it off in timely fashion - he tanked my credit rating with his antics, and the bank will [b]not [/b]refinance it in my name only. I can pay it off for $12,000, but if I had $12,000 sitting around I'd have hired a lawyer to do this for me, lol.

So, my question is this - do I have a chance of the judge seeing my ex's behavior as a reason to keep the SUV loan and title the way it is, or do judges tend to NOT take marital misconduct into consideration when splitting marital property? Is it something to settle during the divorce itself, or does it need to be handled as Equitable Distribution?

If I have to introduce this as Equitable Distribution, then how do I go about starting that process as well? I've never been divorced, nor did I ever anticipate it happening, so I have NO concept of what the process is like. Thanks to the debt involved, I am living paycheck-to-paycheck and haven't been able to find a lawyer who's willing to even talk to me without a fee in advance.

I jut want to start my life over - I don't want to chase him down for money, I don't want to sue his girlfriend(s), I just want to keep my car so I can keep my job. I won't be asking him to make payments (he hasn't for the past two years anyway), I just want him to NOT force a re-fi that will lose me the vehicle.

Has anyone been in a situation like this? If so, how did you handle it and what was the outcome?

Any help is greatly appreciated.