I feel like we have hit a crossroads in our marriage, and I just don't know what to do anymore. We have been married for 9 years, and 2 years ago my wife & I welcomed a beautiful baby girl to the world. We have had our ups & downs throughout the years, but ultimately we have loved each other and always have worked through our problems and disagreements, but lately our problems seem insurmountable even though our arguments are typically over trivial things.
First off, she is diagnosed bipolar, as well as anxiety disorder/depression. I have always tried to be as sensitive toward her because of that. Whenever we have an argument that I feel she is being unreasonable, I try to chalk it up to that, and move past it, but it has become tougher & tougher to do that.
It seems really trivial, but any time I do something on my own, she becomes angry & I am met with animosity & antagonism. She has criticized me for being "selfish" because I do things like go to football games (I have season tickets) and concerts. When things are going well, she is happyÖ we often go to museums -- which I don't dislike, but this is definitely something that she enjoys more than I do. I feel like she really is only happy with me when I am appeasing her. She refuses to do anything that I'm interested in, and becomes angry if I do it on my own.
She currently goes to therapy, but has stopped taking meds, with her therapist & doctorís approval. Though, we both are iffy about how well being off meds is going for her. Its a tough situation, because even when she was on her meds, she was really irritable but it was probably a little better. She has literally told me that she hates me for going to football games & tailgating & has said we should just split up because of this. Then she says when our daughter is old enough, she will go do things with her and not include me while I watch football (I view this as normal, but she is saying it to guilt trip me & also to make me feel isolated). Right now, even though nothing would really stop her from putting our daughter in a car seat & doing something fun wit her, she is too afraid to drive with her alone. I think she needs to get past that, but she relies on me too much for entertainment & other things.
I suggested that we go to marriage counseling, but she is adamant about not going to another therapist because the therapy she does now is draining & time consuming. She also says that nothing will change & that the therapist & I will gang up on her & try to get her to accept or compromise. I responded by saying that we need to understand each other better & suggested we go to her therapist (which we have done in the past). She has responded by saying that her therapist has had it with me because she has told her all about me & now she knows how truly selfish I am. I mean, really? Do I really need to stop watching sports and drop all my interests in order to save my marriage? It seems trivial, I know but her temperament can be brutal & we can't seem to get past this. And I don't think it's fair. I feel like I have to forfeit my personality and adopt hers & it goes way beyond that. If one of my friends or in some cases my family invites us to something like a BBQ, a wedding, a Baptisim, she refuses to go, and if she does go, she is in a foul mood the entire time. Sex is also a problem. We have sex maybe quarterly, but that is due to a combo of not having time + being pissed at each other half the time. We always had issues like this, but it worsened after the birth of our daughter. I have tried to be patient especially because of the realities of post partum depression + her history of depression, but our daughter is a little over 2 yrs old now & I believe post partum is no longer an issue. The more I think about it, I think we managed though the years because we used to see her therapist together on occasion, but we havenít been doing that because I watch our daughter while she goes to her appointment.
Donít get me wrong, I am in no means perfect, but we do not have any issues with infidenlity, domestic violence, finances, etc. Itís mostly football & a few other trivial things. It makes me feel like she doesnít see the big picture.
I grew up in a home with both parents as did she, so I really donít want either of us to live separate from our daughter. And deep down inside I feel we still love each other, But the sad reality is that our daughter is probably the only thing keeping us together right now.