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#183666 - 01/17/07 08:46 PM How does mediation work?
WantMyKids Offline
recently joined

Registered: 01/14/07
Posts: 21
Loc: TENNESSEE
I am going through a divorce and custody battle for my 4 children ages 15, 13, 5, and 4.
Can someone give me an idea how mediation works?
What kinds of questions do they ask, what kind of proof and paperwork should I bring with me? If CPS is involved should they be there as well?
Thanks for any information.
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#183667 - 01/20/07 02:43 AM Re: How does mediation work? [Re: WantMyKids]
Maury Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 8182
Loc: This Asylum --->
A mediator is a neutral party. They do not provide any legal advice. They will play devil's advocate and discuss the law and the possibilities of what could occur at a trial. Ultimately, they try to get the parties to common ground. There are no set questions.

The process that is used may depend on your mediator. Some mediators like to have the parties in the same room. SOme use shuttle diplomacy, also called caucusing, where they go back and forth between tha parties in two separate rooms. Caucusing is most often used in highly acrimonious divorces or where there are allegatiosn of abuse.

Come prepared. Know your facts and arguments for each issue. Understand what your spouse wants the most. Use those items to seek agreement.

Like any negotiation, try not to change your position until you get an equal move by the other side. If you make an offer and another offer without getting a reciprocal offer in return, you are bargaining against yourself.

Try to determine the strengths and weakenesses of your case ahead oftime. Also try to determine the line where your best offer lies. Start above that point in the negotiation.

I have never known CPS to be involved in a mediation.

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#183668 - 01/20/07 01:35 PM Re: How does mediation work? [Re: Maury]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Mediation normally means they try to get one person to change their requests so it doesn't go to court for a decision. Decide before hand what you actually have to have, what you are willing to negotiate on and what you really don't care about.

Also, understand the law so that you are not asking for something that the law says you can't do - such as I will only give you $50/week for CS when the law says it is $100/week.

Also, you may want to give us a few details of things you want so that we can tell you if you are off base. One person who was on this site was not agreeable to 50/50 - went to mediation saying she would not consider 50/50 - lost her kids because the spouse ended up looking "more reasonable". While this is only temporary orders right now, courts tend to go with the "status quo" and she may never even get 50/50, much less full custody now.

So, if you want 50/50 custody, ask for full custody. They come back and say 50/50, you agree. That way you look like a reasonable person and yet, you got what you were asking for. If you ask for 50/50, they are going to come back with the standard visitation time - EOWE. You have no negotiation room. Also, be sure what you are asking for is what you are able to do. If you are asking 50/50, can you take care of the kids 50% of time with your work schedule, travel schedule, school schedule?

Also, understand that you can save big bucks if things are decided in mediation. If it goes to court, a stranger (the judge) is going to make the decision and neither of you may be happy - actually neither of you should be happy - that means no one was a "winner" or a "loser".

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#774244 - 01/22/18 12:35 PM Re: How does mediation work? [Re: WantMyKids]
Ivy Roberts Offline
recently joined

Registered: 01/08/18
Posts: 8
Hello, I am a professional mediator; I can help you with your question. Don’t tensed so much and keep calm. Surely a mediator will help you out with your problem.

Divorce is never easy. It often can take an emotional and financial toll on all parties involved. Choosing divorce mediation provides both parties with an opportunity to respectfully reach an agreement that works for your family. The mediation process is a less expensive alternative to court, which allows the parties to maintain control of the outcome.

A mediated divorce is much less expensive than a contested divorce. The cost will depend on the mediator's rates (which vary with geographic location and with the type of background the mediator has).

Questions that mediator can ask you:

• What is the most important issue for you?
• What do you need?
• What do you hope to accomplish in your case?
• What do you want your life to look like after your case is over?
• What do you want for yourself out of life?




Edited by Ivy Roberts (01/25/18 07:03 AM)

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#774245 - 01/22/18 04:54 PM Re: How does mediation work? [Re: WantMyKids]
TJMH Offline

enthusiast

Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 349
Just a wild guess, but do you suppose that in the 11 years since this was originally posted, OP might have sorted out their issues?

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