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#774310 - 02/10/18 02:30 PM I can't pay him spousal
Nospousal Offline
recently joined

Registered: 02/10/18
Posts: 4
I was married to my ex for 19 years. I had to leave him when he started showing signs of severe mental illness, psychosis, delusions, possibly schizofrenia. This came on suddenly. He was not sick when I married him and was not sick during the marriage. He choked me in a psychotic rage with kids watching. He was arrested and children and I left the home. A year after while we continued to live separately for my and kids safety reasons he had still refused medical treatment so I had to file for separation. I gave him ample time to stick to medical treatment. He refuses because doesn't think he is sick. So now he remains unemployed, homeless. I have sole custody of our children. He is only allowed supervised visits with them at a center. He has refused to attend for 3 years now. He doesn't want to be "watched". It feeds into his psychosis. He doesn't pay child support because he is not working and will likely never work with his illness due to him refusing medical help. His lawyer is seeking that I pay him spousal! Not only do I have to support my children on my own but now I could be expected to pay him spousal! I only make $70,000/year I have two children to financially support and put a roof over there heads. If he took his medication, he could be productive and keep a job. He doesn't have an incurable disease or terminal illness that he can't work. By not taking his meds, he self sabatoges his ability to keep a job. What is the likelihood of a judge ordering me to pay him spousal. I have so much anxiety over this.

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#774313 - 02/10/18 11:37 PM Re: I can't pay him spousal [Re: Nospousal]
MinnesotaMom Online   content

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 820
What does your attorney say? In most cases where someone has become incapacitated in a long term marriage, lifetime alimony is awarded. Affordability is barely in the equation.

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#774314 - 02/11/18 02:32 AM Re: I can't pay him spousal [Re: MinnesotaMom]
Nospousal Offline
recently joined

Registered: 02/10/18
Posts: 4
My lawyer says first he needs to show he is entitled and secondly can i afford it. then He was not disabled during the marriage so this is not a case where I financially supported an incapacitated spouse. Affordability is rarely in the equation???? So I will have to hand over a paycheque to him while my two young children and I live in a shelter because I can't afford to pay rent for myself??? He can't even pay child support. I just don't get it. He keeps himself disabled because he refuses medication. I'm having a tough time with this. I've read a lot of posters say how the stable, hard working spouse gets screwed over in a divorce. I didn't ask for this divorce nor did I even contribute to the breakdown of the marriage. We would still be married today if he didn't show signs of schizofrenia and kids and I couldn't live with him anymore out of fear.

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#774315 - 02/11/18 02:39 AM Re: I can't pay him spousal [Re: Nospousal]
matilda Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 2139
Does he have a medical diagnosis or receiving disability from the state? If he doesn't have a diagnosis then I would think that would be in your favor. A judge could interpret is as being willfully unemployed. I would try to get documentation of jobs that he has held and how much he made so the judge can see he has the ability to earn income.

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#774317 - 02/11/18 04:06 PM Re: I can't pay him spousal [Re: Nospousal]
MinnesotaMom Online   content

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 820
"I've read a lot of posters say how the stable, hard working spouse gets screwed over in a divorce."

You've got it right. I would recommend to all to never have a low/no earning spouse as there is the possibility of financial disaster later.

You say he is has schizophrenia. Very, very few schizophrenics are ever well enough to hold down a job.

"So I will have to hand over a paycheque to him while my two young children and I live in a shelter because I can't afford to pay rent for myself?" Happens all the time, in particular to men though.

Do you have other assets such as retirement funds, cash, cars, etc? Half of those also goes to your ex.

When is the last time that he worked a steady, full time job?

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#774318 - 02/11/18 04:12 PM Re: I can't pay him spousal [Re: MinnesotaMom]
Nospousal Offline
recently joined

Registered: 02/10/18
Posts: 4
We don't have any other assets. We lost the family home due to legal debt he caused. He dragged everything hiking up legal fees for both of us.
He should be on disability IMO. Need to find out why. But with most schizofrenics one of their delusions is being spied on and controlled by doctors and government. He thinks govt wants him to take pills so they can control his mind so he refuses. He doesn't see he is sick

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#774319 - 02/11/18 08:38 PM Re: I can't pay him spousal [Re: Nospousal]
MinnesotaMom Online   content

old hand

Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 820
His symptoms are very typical for paranoid schizophrenia, including not taking medication due to thinking it's either about mind control or they are poison.

He might qualify for disability or benefits, but he would have to fill out the paperwork and it is scrutinized, which probably won't go over well with him.

The best thing that could happen to him is to do something that gets him put on a police hold and into a mental health facility.

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