I have been with my husband for 20 years...married for 14. We have 2 children. There has been a long history of verbal, mental, emotional abuse. He is constantly angry with any explanation of every situation. Even if I literally have nothing to do with the situation or the explanation. He is almost constantly yelling about money but sees no problem with going on gambling trips or trips to go to sporting events. He is an alcoholic but will not seek help or treatment. He is almost completely detached from the family. He doesn't do anything with my kids. He doesn't do anything with me. When we used to go out he was really mean to me and nice to everyone else that's with us. Even his own best friends have asked me for years "Why are you still with him?" In order to point out to him that it isn't my imagination I have told him this and he just doesn't care...he finds a way to turn it around on me. Make me sound like the problem. He hasn't slept in the same bed as me for 3 1/2 years. He tried to a bit ago and it was so awkward and uncomfortable that I had to get up and go sleep somewhere else.
I have asked myself for about 5 years now "Can I handle this?" "Are my kids being effected?" Once I got a "no" and "yes" from those questions I knew that I had to begin considering divorce. I then would ask myself "If he did a 180 tomorrow could I return to our relationship as usual?" No...I cannot...too much damage has been done. I am changing into a person that I don't like. I am sad and lonely and never feel good. My children are beginning to be effected as well.
He has always worked hard and provided financially very well for our family. I have been blessed to be a stay at home mom. But, we are roommates, coworkers, coparents, etc. Not husband and wife. He has no good support system to get him through this and I have an amazing one. I guess I am just venting and want this guilt to ease up because I know I am making a hard but correct decision for myself and my kids.