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#96 - 06/06/04 11:35 PM Question for Eric....
step2 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/06/04
Posts: 2
I'm assuming this is the question you wanted me to repost...right???



My children haven't seen their father in 7 years.....this has been his choice.....please don't assume that I've kept them from him......I haven't.....What would the likelihood be of him being able to force his visitation...and what steps would I take to make sure that I'm not just throwing my kids into a situation that they know nothing about.....

He lost an 80,000/a year job because he failed a random drug test...is 15000.00 back on child support and just decided one day that he didn't want to see them anymore.......

I have an autistic child and it would be very difficult to throw him into an unknown situation with a man who just decides that he wants his "rights" back.......

What's the best avenue to take....???

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#97 - 06/07/04 05:19 AM Re: Question for Eric.... [Re: step2]
Eric Offline
old hand

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 807
Loc: USA
I read the post and responses on the other site.

I agree with Gr8Dad's advice about a counselor. Reunification and educational counseling is warranted here due to the particular problems of your child because you certainly don't want to create any setbacks.

Normally I would ask how is this any different than any other relative and/or old friend that you only see every few years? Well, your case is different.

I think that we all like to second guess other's reasons for doing things and normally, they are negative guesses. Try to be open minded when dealing with the ex and not assume any motivation that may or may not be true.

The courts will enforce some type of parental time. No getting around that if he pursues court action if you deny him his time.

So, you might as well get used to that idea and move forward to a workable parenting plan that will eventually lead to 50-50 if he is truly wanting to be part of the child's life to that degree.

Good luck,

Eric

www.FIRMncp.com
_________________________
Equality is not a difficult concept

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#98 - 06/07/04 02:25 PM Re: Question for Eric.... [Re: step2]
Dolph Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 5
Steph2, call around and find an attorney that will do a free phone consult. I did because I had a situation very similar to yours. My ex went for years being a back and forth parent. When DD was 12, she contacted him after 4 years of not seeing him or his family. She started going back to see him/them. It did not go well at all. She refused to go back. Ex told her she had to come or he would put me in jail. He told her that he would bring the law to "force" her to go. I kept telling him that he was welcome to exercise his visitation per our agreement, but I was not going to be the one to physically put my then 14 year old daughter into his car, he would have to do it. DD was scared to death that they would take me to jail and her to juvie or worse, send her to live with him. Finally, to calm her, I called a lawyer. I had to call quite a few of them because most don't do phone consultations. Well, suffice it to say that now DD goes to see Father and his family when she decided she wants to. According to the lawyer, she is old enough that a judge would listen to her about the things they did and said to her that made her not want to go.

In fact, she is going down to see his parents this coming weekend for the first time since Christmas.

If the kids want to see him, then by all means, work with him and them if he contact you. If they don't want to see him, I would not do a thing until and unless he contacts me, then I would go to a lawyer. Yes, you have a court order, one that HE has willingly violated for seven years! Make him enforce is through a judge AFTER you tell everyone that will listen that he walked off with no contact for those seven years. But, if he has gone this long, do you really think he will turn back up now?
_________________________
-Life is too short for regrets.

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#99 - 06/07/04 02:35 PM Re: Question for Eric.... [Re: Dolph]
Shyrider Offline
newbie

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 44
I would like to add that in many states, after 3-5 years (depending on the state) of no contact by a parent, the custodial parent can file a legal motion for abandonment of the children, and have the other parent's rights terminated. This may be something you want to look into. If you are able to have his rights legally terminated, then, when the children are older, if they wish to see them you can set something up for them. That way you will have all of your bases covered, and if he tries something stupid like taking off with the kids, you can have him arrested for kidnapping. Something to think about, anyway.

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#100 - 06/07/04 04:09 PM Answer [Re: Eric]
Maury Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 8182
Loc: This Asylum --->
In most cases, the answer is that the parent who has been absent must walk before they can run. That means they will likely be required to start with supervised visits to acclimate the children to their presence. That may also include documentation that a chemical abuse program has been completed and or submitting to random UA's. If they follow through, the schedule may increase.

Sometimes a GAL is appointed or a child psychlogists can be used to monitor the children's adjustment.

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#101 - 06/08/04 12:53 AM Re: Thanks to All [Re: Maury]
step2 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/06/04
Posts: 2
Unfortunely, I didn't get to see the other responding posts because the C/V board was wiped...but I very much appreciate the input here.........I'm trying not to jump to conclusions about his intentions....because I could be way off base....but I do know that I am not all that interested in making things "easy" for him......It just isn't in any of my childrens best interest for me to just allow him to waltz back in to their lives after such a long time of being absent....Thanks again for all the input!

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