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Life After Divorce: Why Coaching Can Help
(provided by Amanda K. Murphy, Professional Life Coach)

The divorce is over, or nearly so. You have cried, you have grieved, maybe you have raged. Now, like a glimmer of dawn after a stormy night, the idea of a better future begins to attract your attention. The opportunities that now exist become apparent and you may actually feel excited about your life again.

Do you want to be happy? Are you ready to surround yourself with people who actually love you, who support and encourage you and help you to be your best? Is it time to take better care of yourself so that you will make better decisions in the future?

This is when life coaching can help. Unlike therapy, coaching is action-oriented, lighthearted, and works to move you forward. A good coach can provide clarity and focus, help you know and love yourself better, and show you how to set new standards for the quality of people you allow into your life.

Here are a few common breakthroughs that you can make with the help of a life coach:

Understand why certain people are good for you and others are not. Coaching clients do some personal exploration of their deepest personal needs. When you know what your deepest needs are, you will suddenly understand why certain relationships are not working. You may have a strong need for encouragement, and perhaps your spouse was very pessimistic. Now you can take action to find people with positive spirits and fill your life with them.

Create a wonderful new space for yourself. A thorough de-cluttering process is absolutely cathartic. Get rid of any objects in your environment that do not support, energize, or enhance your life in some way. While you are at it, get rid of any such people and activities! After a thorough de-cluttering, you can work on creating a fresh, beautiful space in which to build a better life.

Get back in touch with the things that you love. Circling your emotional wagons in order to survive a rocky relationship can help cut you off from pain and danger, but it also cuts you off from yourself. With a fresh start, you can begin to experiment with the activities and projects you used to love when you were really being yourself. Remember how much fun drawing used to be? Didn't your teachers always tell you that you were a great writer? Don't you miss the exhilaration of physical activity? Maybe this is the perfect time to give it a new try!

Make yourself top priority. If you have spent part or most of your life accommodating other people at your own expense, this is the time to change. So often it is more comfortable or just easier to go along with what other people want, especially if you care about them and they may become angry if you don't. Has this served you well? Probably not. In order to thrive in a healthy relationship, you need to put yourself first. Take care of your needs and make sure you are doing what you love. When you have a great relationship with yourself, then your happiness is not dependent on what others do.

Amanda K. Murphy is a professional personal and business coach in Seattle, WA. Since 1999 she has focused her coaching career on helping people live lightly and work effectively.

Information provided by:
Amanda K. Murphy, Professional Life Coach

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