Possible Good From an Affair?

Key Points

An affair is a wake up call that a relationship is not right. It can be looked at as an opportunity to fix it.
Those that are the victims of a marital affair must also reflect on their own actions, both past and present.
Many times an affair occurs to compensate for something that is missing in a relationship.

Give thanks that you now know what is going on in your life; you are no longer in the dark.
Your partner’s behavior allows you to see that person in new, if unpleasant ways.
Some affairs are intended to compensate for things that are missing in the marriage. An affair can represent an indirect and clumsy effort to signal the partner that all is not well in the relationship. If this is the case, the betrayed party can newly assess the marriage and set up more direct communication for any future marital issues.
One party does not cause the other to act out in any particular way, such as violating the marital vows, but this terrible event can lead one to reexamine who they are and who they really want to be. Just because the other person has been terribly inappropriate does not mean that the victimized party is therefore perfect and should not take this as opportunity to reassess their own condition.
If there are problems in the relationship that can be fixed and that one wants to repair, it is better for all family members that this is discovered as soon as possible.
If the discovery of an affair means that one carefully decides to end the marriage, the sooner this happens the better. Why live a lie? And why live a lie for a longer period than necessary?

Information Provided by: Carol L. Rhodes, Ph.D.

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DISPASSIONATE ANALYSIS -- Judges increasingly disregard the marital misconduct by either spouse, focusing instead on a dispassionate analysis of what each party needs and what each party can afford. Even in those states where adultery and other marital misconduct can have an impact on the financial settlement, the impact is often less than people think.

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