You just spent 9 of the worst months of your life, but it's almost over. You had no idea divorce could be so painful. Your spouse, your partner, is now your worst enemy. You expected there would be a war, but you had no idea how ugly it would become. The kids are caught right in the middle of this family catastrophe. The attorneys fought over every single issue, but you really didn't understand much of what was going on.

Accountants and financial experts gave reports and testified in court in excruciating details about your financial life, as did your ex-spouses experts. They understood your financial world better than you do. They all built their arguments on why you should get this or only that. Your future life was being determined by others.

In the past, you knew what to expect. Family income, you knew it was enough to pay the bills and add to your savings each year and take great vacations. You knew that each of you were contributing to retirement plans. You might have even known you would receive some sort of inheritance from both of your families. Between it all, you both thought there would be enough to retire someday. But those days are gone.

If you're the spouse paying support, you're going to have to figure out what your new lifestyle will look like. What you can afford? What no longer makes sense?

The lawyers made you do a QDRO, a complex agreement that either gives a part of your pension to your ex, or gives some of their pension to you.

What about all those bank accounts, brokerage accounts, IRAs, education accounts and credit card balances. The decree says who gets what, but now you need to get them all transferred and you need to understand the tax liabilities.

If you're the spouse getting support you need to know if it will be enough to live on.

It may be that you have not worked for 13 years it won't be easy. You have all the same problems as your ex-spouse above but with less certainty because you're still reliant on them for the time being.

This is the story of half of all American marriages. The first lesson to learn from the horrible picture painted above is that it doesn't need to be ugly. If you perform a lifestyle analysis during the divorce, you can understand what post-divorce life will look like for you.

A Lifestyle analysis measures exactly how you will live post-divorce. It is based on how you lived during the marriage, and adjusted for all the variables that will change post-divorce. If you perform this analysis you will be in much better position to either accept, decline or modify offers made during divorce proceedings. You will know what works and what doesn't because you know exactly where you stand financially.

You need a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) does; financial analysis during divorce that allows you to negotiate or litigate towards a goal that meets your needs, and often the needs of your ex. As in every marriage, there is only so much income and assets to be split and both parties want to maintain what they had.

Some of the ugliness of Divorce can be removed simply by educating both parties on the most equitable property settlement and support agreement. A CDFA creates a financial Model that shows the effects on each party.

Once the divorce is settled, both of your financial lives have been projected and tested so you know what to expect.

The CDFA then implements the divorce by transferring assets, refinancing debt, implementing the QDRO, setting up wills, establishing insurances and making sure you live within the plan. If your advisor is also a CFP (Certified Financial Planner), they can help you manage your assets from that point on.

When the smoke clears you will have your House, Accounts, and Retirement neatly packaged and ready for your new life.