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The Myth About Unhappy Children With Divorced Parents
There is a myth that children of divorced couples are not happy people as adults and often do not do as well in relationships as opposed to those who grew up in a home with two loving parents. While this is true with some children, the outcome depends on why the parents were divorced in the first place as well as if one or both parents went on to become happy in future relationships or marriages. The truth is that children of parents who are divorced can be sad or depressed, just like children of parents who stay together for the kids; it all depends on the child and how they adapt to their surroundings.
It can be true that when two parents go through a nasty divorce with a long, drawn out custody battle, the child can feel like it is their fault or that they are being used as pawns between the two parents. When kids see first-hand how much their parents dislike each other, they see hatred between two people who once loved each other. When this hatred is seen by the child, it rubs off; this is why when parents do divorce, they should do their best to keep their child out of the arguing and the fighting; they should simply concentrate on making sure the child is shielded from any fighting between the two parents.
Some people believe that when a child is raised with two loving parents who are happy together, the child will also grow up to be happy. The question is, does it matter if the two people who love each other and the child are both the birth parents or can it be one birth parent and one step parent? Just because parents get divorced does not mean that they will never find love again or that their child or children will not see what a loving relationship or marriage is since this is not only possible, it happens quite frequently.
One part of the myth addresses the problem of when a child is stuck with two parents who are in a loveless marriage. When parents are constantly fighting and arguing, the child is actually more likely to grow up to be depressed and have various social issues and unsuccessful relationships themselves. In most cases, when children see that their parents despise each other but stay together for their children's sake, it does not help the child's mental state. In fact, most children who were raised in a home with unhappy parents tend to run a greater risk of being depressed. Just because two people remain married does not mean that it is a healthy relationship or that their children will become happy just because they stay married.
There is no handbook for life. Sometimes marriages simply do not work out; divorcing adults need to make sure that any children involved only know that they are loved, not how their parents feel about each other. When children feel loved, whether their parents are together or divorced, they will grow and be happy in that love and eventually, share their love with someone else.
Joint or sole custody may be awarded based on the best interests of the child and other factors that include 1) the preference of the child, 2) the desire and ability of each parent to allow an open and loving relationship between the child and the other parent, 3) the child's health, safety and welfare, the nature and contact with both parents and 4) the history of alcohol and drug use. Marital misconduct may be considered.
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