• Successfully divorced spouses achieve a rapport approaching benign indifference, so that each can address situations with business-like behavior. If, after the divorce, necessary conversation about child care becomes too heated, it might be wise to continue it on a later date.
• Both parents must respect and encourage the child's relationship with the other parent.
• Former spouses should schedule regular meetings to discuss parenting issues. Some parenting plans include protocols for such meetings.
• Refighting past battles, rehashing pass grievances and opening old wounds serves no purpose.
• Each partner must remember that the other partner also loves the child, and each partner should express and/or show appreciation towards one another as even the simplest comment or action can create a stronger and more effective partnership.
• The parenting plan is, among other features, a schedule, so neither parent should intentionally break or skip appointments. Parents should be forthright and honest when a problem arises. This applies to children, too, who are entitled to a clear explanation for any change in plans and/or cancellations.
• Parents who share custody should not make unilateral decisions about the children. Joint custody means a shared partnership.
• Be open minded.
• Remember the goals and recognize the benefits as they arise.

• Children need some time to adjust to the new lifestyle they encounter. Children, more than the parents, need some time to cope with the changes that are taking place as a result of the divorce. Parents must remember that they, or at least one of them, acted to end the marriage. No child ever asks his or her parents to divorce. A child, therefore, must react to a situation not of his making -- playing the cards dealt in a game he or she did not ask for.
• Children must know that they are not the reason for the divorce. Many children, usually the younger ones, feel that they have done something to cause the separation. Children must never be enlisted as allies, spies, operatives, or pawns in a manipulative bargaining scheme.
• As angry as the spouses may be with each other, each must recognize that the other is also a parent; divorce does not minimize parental responsibility.
• Parents should never force children to take sides, or to be put in the middle of something over which they have no control.
• Difficult as it may be, divorced parents should create for their children as stable an environment as possible, so they can feel secure and loved.

• Children have the right to spend time with each parent. They need both parents in order to develop emotionally.
• Children should not be forced to take sides with either parent.
• Children deserve to know from both parents that they will follow through with child care plans. Commitments to the children should be honored.
• Children should be able to spend time with each parent. They need both parents in their life, and they need to know that both parents are there for them.
• If possible, children should be entitled to their own personal sleeping area at each parent's home.
• Children need to know their parents are available for open and honest conversation. Children need to discuss certain issues when they are growing up, and this will continually occur as they mature and interact with peers.

Q. What is the mark of a successful divorce?

A. A successful divorce is one where the spouses can rise to the occasion and fulfill their responsibilities as parents and do so without recrimination and battling.

Q. In dealing with a former spouse, what is the most important thing a parent can remember?

A. What hurts the parents also hurts the child.

Q. What is the best interest of the children?

A. It is a discretionary and foremost legal standard that pertains to support, visitation and custody. The key word in the phrase is discretionary because judges have a great deal of latitude in making decisions.