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Words of Wisdom for Women in Divorce - Anger
If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. - Chinese Proverb
Inspiration: Divorce is messy and there are lots of opportunities to lose one's patience. If you can consider that every time you and you don't allow yourself to get angry over a situation, you are in control. I remember when I was going through a really rough time especially with verbal abuse and the need for my spouse to want to fight with me over everything. I learned one little phrase that literally gave me unlimited power and control and the wonderful satisfaction that I was no longer under their control. That phrase was "you could be right" short and sweet but oh so powerful. You see I did not say they were right nor was I arguing about me being right. I ended the tirade with those 4 little words. I had won and I knew it.
Action: Remember those words "you could be right" and the next time someone is trying to fight with you or win an argument just say those words and smile. You won!
Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved - Marcus Antonius
Inspiration: This is so very true the very things that I allow go get me angry or give me grief are the very things that end up controlling me and in the end have a way of tormenting me. Every day when I am in a tough situation there is a war on for me to lose control for me to give in to the dark side. When I can be in control and have peace I am winning this battle not only for this situation but for me to become a stronger person as a result of it. You can't win the battles fought outside of you but you do have the right and the privilege to win the battle for control inside of you. When you can hang on to peace and patience instead of allowing your anger and grief get the better of you, you win.
Action: Remind yourself - you are in control - you do have choices - you can choose to get angry over this or you can choose not to. This is your power - don't allow circumstances or people to rob you of your power. Find ways to not allow someone to take this power from you. Counting to 10, praying, walking away, telling them "you could be right" are just some of the tools you need to put in your arsenal to keep you in control.
You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger - Buddha
Inspiration: There will come times when you do lose it, hopefully as you become stronger these will be less and less. Realize that every time you lose to anger that it will punish you. See it as a gift that makes you stronger and helps you fight harder the next time not to allow anger to win. Again remember this is a battle and you are in the midst of it. Anger wants to win by making you give in to it. You only win when you chose to not allow it to get to you. Yes there are things that suck and will want us to get angry but remember when you let it win you lose. You are better than that. You are a winner and you can beat this by not getting angry.
Action: Anger is a thief that is trying to rob me of my joy. I will win because I know it is a thief. I will win because I will not allow anger to steal from me. I will be the master and I will control my anger.
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned. - Buddha
Inspiration: Divorce is a tough situation and offers so many opportunities for anger to surface. Divorce can also be a training ground where you learn to control your anger and become a better person for it. There is always good and bad in every situation we encounter. When we focus only on the one or the other is where we end up allowing emotions to control us, anger being one of them. See this time as an opportunity for you to grow to new levels. See this as an opportunity to master your emotions especially anger. Once you become the head and not the tail than whatever the world throws at you, you come out the victor not the victim.
Action: Don't allow yourself to carry anger - it will only harm you and basically has no affect on the other person. Love yourself enough to let it go.
The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present - Barbara De Angelis
Inspiration: I have seen women who have anger over things that happened 10 years ago making them into bitter, aging people. While their spouse is off with someone else not carrying what we are suffering. Why do we do this to ourselves? Yes, life handled us some challenges - get over it - and the best payback is a life filled with joy and love. Find things that you enjoy and fill your heart with that rather than the anger over a situation that you can't change.
Action: Are you carrying anger and resentment over your past relationships? It is time to let them go. You were created to be loved and cherished. Make a list of what you want in your next relationship. Become the kind of person you would want to have in your life. Get rid of negative things as it will only attract that in the people who come into your life.
If there has been an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, the spouses may file for a legal separation if at least one of them has been a resident of Colorado for 90 days.
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