A Few Suggestions to Help You During Divorce
Key Points
  • Take one day at a time; keep a journal; ask and accept help; set priorities; avoid rebound relationships; use your time wisely; and take it easy on yourself.

Learning to start all over again can be a challenging task. Picking up the pieces may be difficult but not impossible. Here are a few ways to speed recovery after divorce:

  • One day at a time. A divorce survivor needs time to adjust to new circumstances, time for things to fall into place, time to heal and come to terms with a new situation, time to take it one day at a time.
  • A journal. Some people find writing a journal very therapeutic. Keeping a journal gives a person a venue to release bottled feelings. A journal is a very productive way to express anger and sadness. Writing clarifies thinking.
  • Accepting help. Be willing to accept help. You don't have to be perfect and you don't have to try to do everything by yourself. If you need help ask for it. If others offer to help you, accept their assistance. You don't have to prove anything.
  • Set priorities. Don't take on more than you can handle. Determine your priorities and go from there. Do what needs to be done and let the rest wait. Trying to do too much too fast will only cause you mental stress and physical exhaustion.
  • Avoid rebound relationships. Don't get involved in another relationship too quickly just to have someone in your life or because you don't want to be alone. When you jump into a relationship for the wrong reason it most likely will not last long. Take your time and when you choose to become involved in another relationship do so for the right reason.
  • Use your time alone constructively. People often have a difficult time coping with being alone after the break up of their marriage because it can take some getting used to. Learn to use that time constructively. Pursue a hobby or take an online course to further your education. Determine what you want to achieve in life and set goals, then work to accomplish them.
  • Take advantage of your independence. Some people fear independence, especially when they've had someone to depend on for so long. Look at your newfound independence as a new opportunity to develop your own talents and abilities. The door may have closed on your marriage but it has opened to new opportunities. View each day with a positive attitude and look forward to the future.
  • Take it easy on yourself. Try to find the humor in your daily life, even when it seems nothing is going well. Remember that your life existed before your marriage, and at some point in the future, it will be possible to wake up happy again. Quit demanding perfection from yourself and accept that all of us make mistakes.

Suggested Reading
The Divorce Recovery Journal The Divorce Recovery Journal
An interactive book of insightful observations splashed with humor, useful advice on divorce and starting over, and space for your personal journaling.

Author: Linda C. Senn

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