Separating Divorce Fact from Fiction
Sometimes, in the aftermath of a divorce, a person cannot separate fact from fiction. Fact is an unbiased observation of the events; fiction is the story created out of our unresolved emotions from the past. For example, saying "my husband left me" is a statement of fact, but saying "my husband left because I am unworthy of love" is a fiction incubated by the pain of divorce. Saying, "my husband emptied out our checking account" is factual; saying "my husband has deceived me and ruined my life forever" is a fictional exaggeration. Saying “my child had an emotional episode at school" is factual, but saying "my child has been damaged for life by my separation" is a fiction. Distinguishing the facts of our lives from the fiction lays the foundation for acceptance.
A divorce is not simply just a judgment written on a piece of paper, anymore than a marriage license is just a piece of paper. A divorce is a major life change and stressor that can attack the body, mind and soul. A divorce is the death of a marriage, and a person must allow for time and space to mourn the loss.
One day, down the road, almost all divorced people feel normal again. Although it may feel otherwise, the pain and suffering - the grief of the moment - is not permanent. Recovery works its chemistry. A person finds new interests, new hobbies, meets new people, joins new clubs. Most people take it slow at first.
Divorce can be a traumatic experience that makes it difficult to move forward. When children are in the picture, the situation can be even more intense as children often get caught up in the aftermath of divorce.
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