Comparing Your Child to Your Ex-Spouse
Key Points
  • Spouses should treat each other in the most positive way possible. This is hard, but if you cannot say anything nice, maybe do not say anything at all.
  • If you compare your child to your ex-spouse, you are emotionally harming your child. Telling your child he or she is just like his father or her mother will lead the child to believe you can stop loving him or her.
  • Putting your spouse down in front of your child, then telling the child he or she is just like the ex-spouse makes a comparison between parent and child. Emotions run high in a divorce, even the most amicable divorce, so keep the comparisons out of it.

Comparing your child to the other parent in a negative way is the quickest and easiest way to do the most emotional harm to your child. Let's analyze the situation. You are no longer going to be living with and/or be married to the other parent, therefore your child perceives the obvious, you do not love the other parent anymore or at least there is something certainly wrong with the relationship. You proceed to compare your child to the other parent in a negative way, which causes your child to come to the conclusion that you do not love him or her anymore for the same reasons you do not love the other parent. The negative comparisons are, distancing you from your child, putting your child in another no-win situation, and diminishing his or her self-esteem.

As mentioned before, positive statements and comparisons can make all the difference in the world for your child. If you and or the other parent agree to promote each other in a kind manner, the benefits for your child will be insurmountable and you can be assured you are doing a great justice for your child during this difficult time.

Useful Online Tools

Suggested Reading
Creating a Successful Parenting Plan Creating a Successful Parenting Plan
This extraordinary book and computer disk offers separating or divorcing parents a sure-fire way to create a workable, practical parenting plan/agreement that is in the best interest of their children.

Author: Jayne A. Major, Ph.D.

Recent Related Blog Posts
    All Parenting Blog Posts

Related Article Archives
Custody & Visitation
Parental Alienation
    All Article Archives

Related Categories
Children & Divorce
Child Relocation
Collect & Paying Child Support
    All Categories
Related Forums
Child Custody
Child Removal
Child Support
Helping Children
Stepfamily Issues
    All Forums

Resources & Tools

Bookstore Promotion Discount

Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.
SEPARATE FEELINGS FROM BEHAVIOR – Successful co-parents focus on the child -- and only the child. Any anger, resentment, or hurt takes a back seat to the child's needs. Co-parenting is not about the adults’ feelings but rather about the child’s happiness, stability, and future.
Custody Scheduling and Tracking

Children In Between - Online Parenting Class

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code:


Online Parenting Plans

Online Parenting Plans

3StepParentingPlanTM uses cutting-edge online software to create your Parenting Plan. Using a smart question-and-answer application, 3StepParentingPlanTM gets you a fully customized Parenting Plan in a little more than half of a lawyerÕs billable hour.

Guarantee Official PayPal Seal Facebook Twitter Versign Secure Site