Getting Adjusted to Divorce and/or Separation
Key Points
  • Divorce is an adjustment; a new life, single for the parents, and without both parents in the same house for the children. Take time to understand this adjustment period may not affect each person in the same way or at the same time.
  • You are the parent, the adult, it is important for you to take care of yourself during this adjustment time but also that you help your child adjust in a healthy, loving way. Balancing your time is difficult but necessary to help your child adjust to a new way of life.
  • Do not use your emotions to guide your actions during the adjustment time. Acting in a hateful, hurtful way in front of your child, especially against your ex-spouse, your child’s other parent, will hinder any healing and adjustment for your child.

Adjusting to the thought of not being married occurs in stages and the progress of adjustment varies depending on the situation, the family structure that existed, and your current lifestyle. As you adjust to the divorce and/or separation your child is also adjusting, but it is important to realize that you do not always adjust at the same rate or in the same fashion. You must always remember your child will have different adjustments to make that are different from yours, and you should focus your attention on how he or she is reacting to these adjustments.

It is suggested that you stay busy and do not think about the other parent or the divorce and/or separation. We realize that this can be all but impossible, but you must do your best to relieve yourself from the emotional ties. This approach is a viable choice, but overkill, can only prolong the adjustment period. Balance is very important and in order to become well adjusted, you must work hard at it. The adjustment or healing process takes time and effort, but the rewards are priceless.

Remember to be overly conscious of how you act in front of your child. It is likely that your child will share your feelings, so if you adjust quickly with a positive attitude, he or she will more than likely follow in your footprints.

Strategies and Tactics for Getting Adjusted:

  • Go for long walks to think about your separation and/or divorce.
  • Adjustment can speed up if you gain self-esteem.
  • Get regular exercise.
  • Eat healthy.
  • Stay busy.
  • Spend more time with friends and relatives.

Useful Online Tools

Suggested Reading
Creating a Successful Parenting Plan Creating a Successful Parenting Plan
This extraordinary book and computer disk offers separating or divorcing parents a sure-fire way to create a workable, practical parenting plan/agreement that is in the best interest of their children.

Author: Jayne A. Major, Ph.D.

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