Placing Blame for Your Divorce
Hopefully you do not blame your child's behavior for the divorce and/or separation. A child can add stress on a relationship one way or another, but any healthy relationship should be strong enough to get through the ups and downs of rearing a child.
If you do blame your child, you are probably suffering from other feelings like "things were fine until we had..." or "what if we would of never had children?". These thoughts are very normal, but do not necessarily mean that you are blaming your child for your marriage problems. You are looking more at the circumstances that got you to where you are. Do not feel guilty about these feelings, but you do want to move past them. If your child remotely believes that he or she is the reason for the divorce and/or separation, you will be causing great harm to your child and will have an uphill battle ahead of you. Unfortunately many parents work themselves into this position.
If you blame the other parent or yourself, you are probably suffering from a bit of resentment. Granted certain circumstances constitute feelings of blame (adultery being a common example), but as time moves forward, it is the healthiest for you and your child if the blame and resentment do not continue. Placing blame and having resentment is sometimes unavoidable, but diminishing those feelings and how those feelings are expressed can make all the difference in the world for you and your child. Your child can perceive these emotions a lot more quickly than you may imagine. It is often suggested that you have a pre-determined plan to deal with these types of emotions as they occur, re-directing them into more positive/future oriented thoughts and objectives.
Moving past the blame and resentment and entering into a new life can be challenging. Emotions and finances are often the root of all major concerns, and when dealing with these concerns, recognizing, isolating, and understanding them are the first and most important step. Once you achieve this, you must focus on the following for yourself and your child:
Strategies and Tactics for Parents:
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